Random Musings - August 25, 2010

I love Facebook. I really do. It is a connection to my past, my present, and maybe even my future. I relish that I have almost 1000 "friends." I love it that I can post whatever I want and people comment on it. But I think my favorite thing about Facebook is the pictures. I love looking at other people's albums and laughing, or crying, or thinking. It is like a glimpse into their world... which isn't much different than mine.
Different - what is that? Am I different? Hell yeah. Why go with the grain when you can go against it? I think that says a lot about the person I have become. I always fret about how others feel about me, but in reality, at the end of the day, does it really matter? I am learning that it doesn't. This life lesson may be one of the hardest that I have learned yet. I have always wanted to please people and make them happy, all the while sacrificing some of my own happiness. In recent months, I have learned that I am the one person who needs to be happy. I struggle with this as I haven't found the balance there yet. I am starting to learn that designer jeans, labels, fancy champers, and "things" don't make a person. It's about the life you live, the impact you leave, and the people you surround yourself with.
People make resolutions on New Year's Eve. I think I want to start a little early this year. Here is my list so far:

1. Be a better son and brother. It's just my mom, my sister, and myself. With my dad being gone, our family is one person smaller, but there is a huge gap. My dad really held us together. He didn't go with the grain, but did what he could to keep harmony in the house. He didn't care what people thought, but valued their opinion. He instilled values in myself and my sister very young - values that even some of the people I know today at my age cannot grasp. When he died, I didn't assume the role of "man of the house." It isn't my place - I accept that. What I don't get is that in recent months, my actions may not have been the best decisions. I vow to be a better member of my family. I vow to put family first. I vow to recognize that the more things change, the more they stay the same. (Plus ca change, plus ca reste la meme - Antoine de St. Exupery).

2. Enjoy what I have. This is easier said than done. My dad always said "they're just things, Chris." I realize that I have this immense network of friends, a dog that won't leave my side, a roof over my head, a job I love, a career that I control, and the ability to see the silver lining. My eternal optimism is not contagious, but hopefully one day those around me can see why I am the way I am.

3. Do something that scares me once a day. Be it working a difficult situation. Or maybe it's meeting new people in social situations (because contrary to popular belief, I have HUGE social anxiety, unless it involves live music. Then I am in my element!). What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

4. Enjoy my past. It is what has shaped me. It is who I was, who I am, and to an extent, who I will be. I won't relive my glory days. I will remember them fondly. Each day is a new day to make memories. I am SO ready to start making them!

5. Write often. This blog, as trite and simple as it seems, has been really good for me. I love being able to channel my thoughts and fears and hopes into a template and re-read them and love it. My book will come to fruition. The more you write, the better it gets.

I mentioned Facebook and pictures tonight. One song that really makes me reflect is this. When I was younger, I loved the band the Cure. This is one of my all-time favorite songs. And the more I look at pictures both from my past and present, I relish the memories. Especially the pictures of my dad, who I miss more and more everyday. I would give anything to fix him a martini and talk about Georgia football. At least I have pictures to reflect on.