Tomorrow I embark on the roadtrip to take my mother back home. You see, she and my dad used to spend a few weeks up here each summer after they moved to Hilton Head, SC, and with my dad gone now, my mom needs someone to "do the drive" with. Since I have no obligations in life, I get to accompany my mom on the roadtrip and have some QT with her.
I have done this drive several times. In fact, I know these roads like the back of my hand. Though there is something incredibly different about this trip now. I feel it gives my mom solace in knowing that she still can come home and visit and not feel alone. I am happy to do it. Really. My mom has a sweet ride. We have satellite radio. We listen to ABBA. I mean, what more could a gay boy want?
It isn't so much the trip, but the journey. In these long car rides, I feel like I know my mom, and my dad, better than I could have imagined. My parents have always been my biggest champions, and I know I write a lot about my dad, but I feel I don't give my mom as much a spotlight.
My mother is amazing. There I said it. She was an educator for over thirty years, and although I never wanted her help, I am a fool to not have followed her instructions. She is the smartest person I know. She definitely knows her shit, and she is certainly, by far, the brightest star in my sky. I would be lost without her.
So with this trip, though dreadful and long, I know a few things:
1. My mom will make me laugh. We will share jokes. She will tell stories. She will key me in on my family's past and help me learn more about who I am from it.
2. I will miss her terribly when she goes back, even though I rarely saw her while she was here. I hate that I take her presence for granted, but sometimes, the comfort of a mom chat or a hug and an "I love you, Booby" makes me more complete than I could ever be.
3. I wish she wasn't so far away.
So this trip, though short in reality, is numbered. In a few years, we won't drive back and forth. She will fly. It will be an airport pickup rather than a long, drawn out affair. I will miss the bonding. I will miss the stories. I will miss the screaming "slow down" and the dinners at Olive Garden. But most of all, I will miss the past. Just as I miss my dad, I will miss these moments shared with my mother in a car, on a long drive back to her past.
With that, I leave you with this. John Hiatt wrote the song, but Mandy Moore has a great version. And the story behind it is that as doubtful as I feel about how my mom feels about me, I know that she has a little faith in me. And my dad always told me that! Happy trails!
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