In case you didn't know, sports fans, Sunday night's Arcade Fire show at the Bank of America Pavilion in Boston was hands down the best show I had ever been to. I had great seats, they put on an amazing show, and it totally solidified why I love this band so much. As great as the Arcade Fire was, it is their philanthropy that I am most impressed with. Regine Chassigne, the singer/muse of Arcade Fire, is a native of Haiti, and the band is offering proceeds from this tour to help with the earthquake devastation. I wish more bands were as thoughtful as them. It is a simple gesture that goes a long way.
The BofA Pavilion has become my home away from home over the past week. Last night, I had the privilege of spending a what started out nice evening with my dear friends Jim and Danny to see Keane. The show wasn't nearly as good as Sunday's show, but it had its moments. I am not a HUGE Keane fan, but can respect them and their artistry, however, I think a lot of it was wasted on my extremely bad behavior. You see, BofA serves the famous 24 ounce beers, so three of them equal a six pack (how's that for math? Not bad, huh, Mom?). Beer on a semi-empty stomach can lead to a night of magic, or ion my case, a night of "what the hell were your thinking."
I had three incredibly bad moments throughout the night, and as a HUGE fan of finding humor at my own expense (self-schadenfruede, perhaps), I feel it necessary to share them with my fans (read - anyone who actually reads this). First, I ran into a co-worker who is the epitome of class. I realized that my stories of Fran Healy (the opening act) and his band Travis were peppered with the F-word (for those of you who are slow on the uptake, that would be FUCK!). Today at work, she told me how HYSTERICAL I was. Note to self - start digging that hole to crawl into, RIGHT NOW!
Between sets, I got a little hungry (plus I needed something to sop up the copious amounts of Harpoon and, GASP, Bud Light I was drinking). In the quiet of the set change, I turned to my friends and said (screamed): "No more yankey my wankey, the Donger need food" (in my best Long Duck Dong impression). Now, a little about my friend Jim - nothing shocks him, he is the most unshockable person I have ever met. Nothing, until last night, however. As soon as the line came out of my mouth, I realized that we were conveniently seated next to a charming Asian couple. The color fading from Jim's face gave it all away. F.M.L!
Now the last inappropriate moment occurred halfway through Keane's set. I will set the scene:
Jim, Dan, and Chris sitting at the table taking pop shots at the crowd and listening to band. Small man and friend playing air guitar next to us. First thought, "Ok, we are at a concert, they may be a little drunk." As soon as the thought passes my mind, the small man comes over to me and asks: "Don't I know you?" Um, no, you do not. "Do you hang out at the Alley?" (Alley - Boston's "bear" bar, and yes, I do go there, but not often). No, sorry, you have me confused with someone else. "I'm (Insert Name Here)." Ok, stop!
Here are a few physical facts about me. I am not a tall man. I am 5'8, though I think I am more 5'7. Let's just say, I am not a tall man. However, when I meet someone who is shorter than my friend, Brandy (she is a petite 4'11 and cute as a button). This man, who I will now refer to as the "Pocket Gay" was SHORTER! Now, I know what you are thinking - God makes us all unique and we have no destiny over how tall we are, what color hair we are born with, or how great our ass looks in a pair of jeans - but when the Pocket Gay comes a knocking, it is time to leave Munchkinland. Sadly, I was like a shorty magnet all night, and my friends, embarrassed from the previous mocking Asian comment, were of no help. F.M.L.
If anything is learned here it is this:
1. Do not, I repeat, do not, drink beers at BofA on an empty stomach.
and 2. Well, I am not really sure what number 2 is, but I am sure there is a lesson that will be discovered down the road.
Though, you only live once, right? Maybe? How many times did James Bond live? That seems more my style.
I am STILL laughing!
ReplyDelete"yankey my wankey"...good one!