Luck. What is luck? I have been asking myself that a lot lately. Lately, it seems my luck works in mysterious ways. I guess that makes me pretty lucky, but it makes me wonder, do we all have some sort of chance with fate?
Here's my point: Today I went to my first mediation session for my divorce. There, I said it. I won't bore you with the details, but sitting and listening to the mediator did two things for me: It validated that I was making the right choice, and it showed me I am not the bad guy here. Sure, I broke someones heart and sadly, that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. That fucking sucks. I have always wanted to be the good guy, and now, I have this shit to deal with. On the flip side, my heart is broken too - my marriage failed. It's no one's fault. It happened. I tried it. I learned. I am living with the consequences. At $X per hour, it shows that there really is a price on love. But what about the luck?
Am I lucky I realized it was broken and couldn't fix it? Yes! Am I lucky that on the other side, I have this remarkable support group, most of whom would take a bullet for me? Hell yes? Am I lucky to have learned a lesson? You bet your ass I am.
So today, when both parties left, it wasn't spiteful or disappointing. It was relaxed and civil. It was... dare I say... nice. It also validated that yes, the relationship is over and now that I have been married once, I don't have to do it again, but being able to have a decent conversation when all was said and done made the sting a little more bearable. And I am not down on love - I am a firm believer in love. But right now, the person I need to love the most is myself... and according to Carrie Bradshaw, that is the most significant relationship out there. And I am lucky. I am lucky that I have what I have. I am lucky to take life by the balls and run with it. I am lucky to fall on my face, or my fat ass, and be taught something. I am lucky to have this experience. But most of all, I am lucky to have chance encounters with complete strangers who become friends, rekindle old relationships from my past like they never vanished, and to be able to call those I love and have them pick up and talk!
I am not always lucky, but I am fortunate to be able to understand that. I haven't won the lottery, been scouted as the next "It boy," or even found the cure for cancer. Regardless, I wouldn't give this up for anything. (And one of these days, someone will notice this guy for the SUPERSTAR he is!)
I leave you with this. I have always connected with this song. Especially the part about love, cause all the love I have is in my mind! Urban Hymns by the Verve is an album that changed my life and "Lucky Man" is the reason for it. I hope you can feel the connection to it as well!
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