Seriously, I have been bad. Really bad. It has been six weeks since my last post. God, what has happened to the zeal I had originally? I am definitely going to be better about this. I promise. Really.
So, the holiday season is in full effect, and for those of you who *really* know me, I LOATHE this time of year. I hate the bloody music, the damn traffic, the crowds at the malls, the decreased amount in my checking account. Hate it. So next year, friends and family, I will be making donations in your name to a charity of your choice. That way, I can avoid the traffic, the crowds, the screaming brats, the bitchy shoppers, and maintain my sanity. See, I am not a grinch, or a Scrooge, or any of the other unsavory anti-Christmas characters out there; I just dislike this time of year. Though the silver lining is that I get to hang out with my family, which is the best gift in the world.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Random Musing - November 1, 2010
I am slacking, or so I have been told by my dear friend, Hillary. It's true, but I have good reason. Classes started back up, and this one is seriously a snoozefest, but I still have to maintain that GPA.
I have been very pensive lately, and I think it is a good time to go back to what makes me happy: music. I posted on Facebook this evening that the album Transatlanticsm holds a special and dear place in my heart and is an album that truly defines me. If you don't own it, get it now. So, with that being said, I would like to share what I will call "The Soundtrack of my Life." I hope you enjoy it.
These 30 songs all hold a special place for me. I know all the words. They all "speak" to me. They make me incredibly happy, sad, thoughtful, angsty, and most of all, they make me. People laugh at me all the time because I go right to music and mention songs. It's fun. Here is my list.
1. "Inbetween Days" - The Cure "And I know I was wrong when I said it was true, that it could have been me, to get caught inbetween without you!"
2. "A Lack of Color" - Death Cab for Cutie "And when I see you, I really see you upside down."
3. "Live Forever" - Oasis "Maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see. You and I are gonna live forever!"
4. "Common People" - Pulp "Still you'll never get it right, when you lay in bed at night. Watching roaches climb the wall. If you called your dad he could stop it all, but... you'll never be like common people!"
5. "Debaser" - The Pixies "Want to grow, grow up to be, be a debaser!"
6. "Head On" - The Jesus and Mary Chain "And the way I'm feeling tonight, oh I could die and I wouldn't mind!"
7. "A Praise Chorus" - Jimmy Eat World "I wanna always feel like part of this was mine! I wanna fall in love tonight!"
8. "Have a Little Faith in Me"- John Hiatt "And when the tears you cry, are all you can believe... just give these loving arms a try, and have a little faith in me."
9. "Little Plastic Castle" - Ani DiFranco "They say goldfish have no memories. I guess their lives are much like mine."
10. "I Wanna Be Adored" - Stone Roses "I don't need to sell my soul... he's already in me"
11. "Another Girl, Another Planet" - The Other Ones "I can face your threats. Stand up tall and scream and shout about it."
12. "I Don't Know What I Can Save You From" - Kings of Convenience "I slowly tried to bring back the image of your face from the memories so old."
13. "If I Can't Change Your Mind" - Sugar "Tears fill up my eyes, I'm washed away with sorrow. And somewhere in my mind, I know there's no tomorrow. Well soon, you're leaving soon, I guess you had your fill. But if I can't change your mind than no one will."
14. "Need You Around" - Smoking Popes "And I'm gonna feel this way till I'm six feet underground. Crazy as it sounds. I need you around."
15. "Tell Her This" - Del Amitri "Tell her the chips are down. I drank too much and shouted it aloud. Tell her something in my heart needs her more than clowns need the laughter of the crowd. And tell her from this high terrain, I am learning how to fall"
16. "Too Much Passion" - Smithereens "When I kiss your lips, I just don't want to behave."
17. "Cemetery Gates" - The Smiths "Keats and Yeats are on your side but you lose, cause Wilde is on mine!"
18. "Chasing Pavements" - Adele "Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere."
19. "Home and Dry" - Pet Shop Boys "Oh tonight I miss you, oh tonight I wish you could be here with me but I won't see you till you make it home and dry"
20. "We Gotta Get Out of This Place" - Eric Burdon on the Animals "We gotta get out of this place, if it's the last thing we ever do."
21. "Waterloo Sunset" - The Kinks "But I don't get afraid as long as I gaze on Waterloo Sunset, I am in paradise"
22. "Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself" - Morrissey "Don't rank up my mistakes, I know exactly what they are!"
23. "God Only Knows" - The Beach Boys "If you should ever leave me, life will still go on believe me"
24. "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" - Editors "We've all changed from what we were. Our broken parts smashed on the floor. I can't believe you if I can't hear you"
25. "Mistaken For Strangers" - The National "Cause you don't mind yourself in a picture as long as you look faraway, as long as you look removed."
26. "Nothing Better" - Postal Service "Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better?"
27. "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young "This does not mean I don;t love you, I do. That's forever."
28. "Golden Brown" - The Stranglers "Never a frown with golden brown"
29. "I'm Allowed" - Buffalo Tom "They stopped my bleeding, my they could not stop all my tears."
30. "Ever Fallen in Love" -The Buzzcocks "You spurn my natural emotion, and make me feel like dirt. And I'm hurt."
There are more and more songs that are getting to me now. The older I get, the more nostalgic I feel. This is 30 songs, off the top of my head, and there are more that will make this list. Each one has a different emotion for me.
Now my challenge for you is: How many of these do you know?
I have been very pensive lately, and I think it is a good time to go back to what makes me happy: music. I posted on Facebook this evening that the album Transatlanticsm holds a special and dear place in my heart and is an album that truly defines me. If you don't own it, get it now. So, with that being said, I would like to share what I will call "The Soundtrack of my Life." I hope you enjoy it.
These 30 songs all hold a special place for me. I know all the words. They all "speak" to me. They make me incredibly happy, sad, thoughtful, angsty, and most of all, they make me. People laugh at me all the time because I go right to music and mention songs. It's fun. Here is my list.
1. "Inbetween Days" - The Cure "And I know I was wrong when I said it was true, that it could have been me, to get caught inbetween without you!"
2. "A Lack of Color" - Death Cab for Cutie "And when I see you, I really see you upside down."
3. "Live Forever" - Oasis "Maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see. You and I are gonna live forever!"
4. "Common People" - Pulp "Still you'll never get it right, when you lay in bed at night. Watching roaches climb the wall. If you called your dad he could stop it all, but... you'll never be like common people!"
5. "Debaser" - The Pixies "Want to grow, grow up to be, be a debaser!"
6. "Head On" - The Jesus and Mary Chain "And the way I'm feeling tonight, oh I could die and I wouldn't mind!"
7. "A Praise Chorus" - Jimmy Eat World "I wanna always feel like part of this was mine! I wanna fall in love tonight!"
8. "Have a Little Faith in Me"- John Hiatt "And when the tears you cry, are all you can believe... just give these loving arms a try, and have a little faith in me."
9. "Little Plastic Castle" - Ani DiFranco "They say goldfish have no memories. I guess their lives are much like mine."
10. "I Wanna Be Adored" - Stone Roses "I don't need to sell my soul... he's already in me"
11. "Another Girl, Another Planet" - The Other Ones "I can face your threats. Stand up tall and scream and shout about it."
12. "I Don't Know What I Can Save You From" - Kings of Convenience "I slowly tried to bring back the image of your face from the memories so old."
13. "If I Can't Change Your Mind" - Sugar "Tears fill up my eyes, I'm washed away with sorrow. And somewhere in my mind, I know there's no tomorrow. Well soon, you're leaving soon, I guess you had your fill. But if I can't change your mind than no one will."
14. "Need You Around" - Smoking Popes "And I'm gonna feel this way till I'm six feet underground. Crazy as it sounds. I need you around."
15. "Tell Her This" - Del Amitri "Tell her the chips are down. I drank too much and shouted it aloud. Tell her something in my heart needs her more than clowns need the laughter of the crowd. And tell her from this high terrain, I am learning how to fall"
16. "Too Much Passion" - Smithereens "When I kiss your lips, I just don't want to behave."
17. "Cemetery Gates" - The Smiths "Keats and Yeats are on your side but you lose, cause Wilde is on mine!"
18. "Chasing Pavements" - Adele "Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere."
19. "Home and Dry" - Pet Shop Boys "Oh tonight I miss you, oh tonight I wish you could be here with me but I won't see you till you make it home and dry"
20. "We Gotta Get Out of This Place" - Eric Burdon on the Animals "We gotta get out of this place, if it's the last thing we ever do."
21. "Waterloo Sunset" - The Kinks "But I don't get afraid as long as I gaze on Waterloo Sunset, I am in paradise"
22. "Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself" - Morrissey "Don't rank up my mistakes, I know exactly what they are!"
23. "God Only Knows" - The Beach Boys "If you should ever leave me, life will still go on believe me"
24. "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" - Editors "We've all changed from what we were. Our broken parts smashed on the floor. I can't believe you if I can't hear you"
25. "Mistaken For Strangers" - The National "Cause you don't mind yourself in a picture as long as you look faraway, as long as you look removed."
26. "Nothing Better" - Postal Service "Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better?"
27. "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young "This does not mean I don;t love you, I do. That's forever."
28. "Golden Brown" - The Stranglers "Never a frown with golden brown"
29. "I'm Allowed" - Buffalo Tom "They stopped my bleeding, my they could not stop all my tears."
30. "Ever Fallen in Love" -The Buzzcocks "You spurn my natural emotion, and make me feel like dirt. And I'm hurt."
There are more and more songs that are getting to me now. The older I get, the more nostalgic I feel. This is 30 songs, off the top of my head, and there are more that will make this list. Each one has a different emotion for me.
Now my challenge for you is: How many of these do you know?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Random Musing - October 14, 2010
WOW! It has been a while since my last post. I need to really be better about this stuff.
I recently returned from a business trip to San Diego (a whale's vagina), and boy, did I have fun! I love the west coast. It is so... different. People say hello to you. There isn't a lot of haughtiness or attitude, and the food, well, let's just say, I ate (and drank) my face off. I want to move there... so much in fact that I am working my magic. I need a change of scenery. Sure, I have EVERYTHING here; a great group of friends, my funny, yet abrasive sister, and her family, a wonderful job... but I will be 35 and the east coast is really all I know. I think a change would be great.
Speaking of change, tonight I write with a heavy heart. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of my father's death from liver cancer, and you all know that the pain is there, but somehow I am managing to make the best of it. I miss Big Daddy a ton, especially this time of year. When I was a kid, I would dread chores with my dad, like raking the yard or stacking wood, but those memories always seem to come back to me when I see the leaves change. When I watch football, the memories of my dad in front of the TV with his feet up in his chair are evoked, and I chuckle that now, in my 30s, I am doing the EXACT same thing. I am so much like him sometimes, it is scary, but I wouldn't change it.
I wasn't there when my dad passed. My mom called me at work and said "we lost Daddy." My world stopped, the phone dropped and I began to wail in my office. Luckily for me, I have incredible co-workers who I am proud and privileged to call friends come right into my office and support me, even offering to drive me, in rush hour traffic, to the hospice facility nearly 40 miles out of their way. On my way home, I saw an 8-point buck on a side road in Weston just stop and stare at me. I felt like my dad was there, telling me he wasn't really gone, but I had to really look hard to see him.
I remember going to the hospice facility and seeing my mom and my sister hovered over my dad like he was still there, though he was gone. And at that point, I realized how peaceful he was. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't upset that he couldn't do things on his own. He was at rest and he was looking out for us. He assumed a new role, making sure that we were ok, and we were living. When they took him out to the hearse, I lost it. I knew he was really gone, and that my world was forever changed. The next few days were a blur. The calls, cards, trays of food, visits, e-mails, facebook posts, hugs, tears, and errands all wrapped themselves together.
A year has gone by. That is a long time but it flew. It seems like it was just yesterday I was on the beach with my Mom and Dad enjoying a Low Country Spring, and watching my dad see his grand kids play. I love those memories. I miss my dad. I miss him something awful. I am glad he was there though, especially when I needed someone to talk to. Even in his last days, he was always a great listener and he gave the best advice. I can't replace that. And you know what, I am pretty happy about that.
I recently returned from a business trip to San Diego (a whale's vagina), and boy, did I have fun! I love the west coast. It is so... different. People say hello to you. There isn't a lot of haughtiness or attitude, and the food, well, let's just say, I ate (and drank) my face off. I want to move there... so much in fact that I am working my magic. I need a change of scenery. Sure, I have EVERYTHING here; a great group of friends, my funny, yet abrasive sister, and her family, a wonderful job... but I will be 35 and the east coast is really all I know. I think a change would be great.
Speaking of change, tonight I write with a heavy heart. Tomorrow marks the anniversary of my father's death from liver cancer, and you all know that the pain is there, but somehow I am managing to make the best of it. I miss Big Daddy a ton, especially this time of year. When I was a kid, I would dread chores with my dad, like raking the yard or stacking wood, but those memories always seem to come back to me when I see the leaves change. When I watch football, the memories of my dad in front of the TV with his feet up in his chair are evoked, and I chuckle that now, in my 30s, I am doing the EXACT same thing. I am so much like him sometimes, it is scary, but I wouldn't change it.
I wasn't there when my dad passed. My mom called me at work and said "we lost Daddy." My world stopped, the phone dropped and I began to wail in my office. Luckily for me, I have incredible co-workers who I am proud and privileged to call friends come right into my office and support me, even offering to drive me, in rush hour traffic, to the hospice facility nearly 40 miles out of their way. On my way home, I saw an 8-point buck on a side road in Weston just stop and stare at me. I felt like my dad was there, telling me he wasn't really gone, but I had to really look hard to see him.
I remember going to the hospice facility and seeing my mom and my sister hovered over my dad like he was still there, though he was gone. And at that point, I realized how peaceful he was. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't upset that he couldn't do things on his own. He was at rest and he was looking out for us. He assumed a new role, making sure that we were ok, and we were living. When they took him out to the hearse, I lost it. I knew he was really gone, and that my world was forever changed. The next few days were a blur. The calls, cards, trays of food, visits, e-mails, facebook posts, hugs, tears, and errands all wrapped themselves together.
A year has gone by. That is a long time but it flew. It seems like it was just yesterday I was on the beach with my Mom and Dad enjoying a Low Country Spring, and watching my dad see his grand kids play. I love those memories. I miss my dad. I miss him something awful. I am glad he was there though, especially when I needed someone to talk to. Even in his last days, he was always a great listener and he gave the best advice. I can't replace that. And you know what, I am pretty happy about that.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Random Musing - October 3, 2010
Fall is definitely in the air, and this weekend was a perfect New England fall weekend. I had a great weekend, too... it started early with the Sheila Divine on Thursday night, and ended with a few innings at Fenway to see my beloved Red Sox play their final game of the season. All in all, I am content.
Sheila Divine was amazing! They are one of those bands that is typical Boston circa 1999, and they put on a phenomenal show! It didn't hurt that I felt like I was 22 again and drinking beers with friends, either. IF you don't know Sheila Divine, check this out. This is my favorite Sheila Divine song. Well, one of them. I actually think New Parade is a great, underrated album. Purchase it... NOW!
Saturday, I went to my first Pig Roast since my college days. God, was it awesome! Nice work, Dan Dunn! I had the opportunity to meet some great people, eat a ton of pig, and drink my weight in Octoberfest. All in all, a good time was had, regardless of any embarrassment that may have occurred. I blame the sharp slope of the landscaping, poor lighting, and too much laughing over too much beer.
I needed this weekend. I needed to unwind after the week I had. It was well deserved, and I am sad that I am shutting the door on it. I am looking forward to my upcoming week with a trip to San Diego on deck, reconnecting with coworkers, seeing the sights, and rocking it west coast style!
Sheila Divine was amazing! They are one of those bands that is typical Boston circa 1999, and they put on a phenomenal show! It didn't hurt that I felt like I was 22 again and drinking beers with friends, either. IF you don't know Sheila Divine, check this out. This is my favorite Sheila Divine song. Well, one of them. I actually think New Parade is a great, underrated album. Purchase it... NOW!
Saturday, I went to my first Pig Roast since my college days. God, was it awesome! Nice work, Dan Dunn! I had the opportunity to meet some great people, eat a ton of pig, and drink my weight in Octoberfest. All in all, a good time was had, regardless of any embarrassment that may have occurred. I blame the sharp slope of the landscaping, poor lighting, and too much laughing over too much beer.
I needed this weekend. I needed to unwind after the week I had. It was well deserved, and I am sad that I am shutting the door on it. I am looking forward to my upcoming week with a trip to San Diego on deck, reconnecting with coworkers, seeing the sights, and rocking it west coast style!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Random Musing - September 29, 2010
Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything just goes the opposite of how you expect it to? I am having one of those weeks. You see, I was hoping that this little break from school would make me feel a little less stressed and more available. It turns out, I am more stressed out than I have ever been, and my social schedule is non-existent. I need to change that. Immediately.
So here is my conundrum: How do I have it all? I mean, I got the job I love. I have the friends I love. I have a dog I love. I have a place I love. So, when you boil it down, maybe I do have it all. Including the nasty skunk smell outside my house. Lovely!
I think that this fall will definitely be an eye-opener for me. I am ready. Now if only the skunk smell would go away.
So here is my conundrum: How do I have it all? I mean, I got the job I love. I have the friends I love. I have a dog I love. I have a place I love. So, when you boil it down, maybe I do have it all. Including the nasty skunk smell outside my house. Lovely!
I think that this fall will definitely be an eye-opener for me. I am ready. Now if only the skunk smell would go away.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Random Musing - September 26, 2010
Have you ever spent the entire day inside, in front of the TV and have done nothing at all? I have. Today. I got up, took Wally out, went back to bed, got up again, took Wally out, turned on the TV and nested. I watched football, surfed the net, talked to some friends, and awaited the start of the Amazing Race. And did I mention I didn't shower? Yeah, no... not me. I was officially sloth, kind of like a roommate I once had. The only thing missing was a tube of cookie dough and Days of Our Lives. Holy shit! What does this mean? Am I becoming a loner? Am I living a reclusive existence? No. Not at all. I needed a day like today. I needed to recharge. I needed to evaluate, identify, plan, and implement my next phase. You see, in the past few months, I realized I haven't been doing anything for myself. I mean, sure, I am in school, getting good grades. I am keeping up with people, either inter-personally or through the amazing world of Facebook, but I am still not shutting myself off from the world. I am making new friends and acquaintances, I am exploring the area around me, and getting lost in places like Watertown, Belmont, and Medford. I am enjoying the wonders of the city, on the cheap, but enjoying them nonetheless. But today... today was a day where I could just sit in a hoodie and a pair of shorts and do nothing! And think.
I need to change some things, this I know. In the past three months, I have lost 22 pounds. Not by exercising or watching what I eat, but simply from the stress of the world around me. I am starting to find outlets to appease my stress, but I welcome the weight loss. I mean, Friday I wore a pair of jeans that didn't fit me in January, but now they look, dare I say, good! So weight loss regime is on. I just need to do it in a healthier way, which means tomorrow, I am hunting down a gym and joining.
I need to care less about what others think and focus more on what I think. I mean, after all, Dr. Seuss said it best when he wrote "be who you are and say what you mean, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." I think that I have found a group of friends who completely embody that. It's time to be less concerned about fitting in and more concentrated on embracing how I stand out. I like standing out. I need to not be as worried about being judged because those who matter don't mind.
I need to realize that things come and go, and that there is a huge window of opportunity that is opening in front of me. My friend Lisa Richardson (some of you may know who she was) wrote in my yearbook: "Chris, you are an amazing person. Never set your sights too low.... shoot for the moon, and if you miss, don't worry, you will be among the stars." She was right. I miss her a lot. My dad gave me similar advice in his last month. He said, late one night, "Booby, you need to be who YOU are, not who you think others want you to be. You have made me proud, and I love you." I have never shared that before.
With that said, I think that with the change of seasons comes personal change. I am trying to be a better person. I have found several volunteer organizations where I can lend my time and give back. I feel really good about that.
On a more personal note, I think that most of you know that I am the type of gay that likes a good show tune. There, I admitted it. I will stay the pseudo indie-hipster I am, but if a Sondheim song comes on, you know this bitch will work it out. And even though they made Xanadu into a musical, I am partial to this. Sure, it's the kids from Glee, but if ever a show tune spoke to me, it is this part of the song:
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down
New season, new attitude. I am through with people pulling, and putting me, down. Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game!
I need to change some things, this I know. In the past three months, I have lost 22 pounds. Not by exercising or watching what I eat, but simply from the stress of the world around me. I am starting to find outlets to appease my stress, but I welcome the weight loss. I mean, Friday I wore a pair of jeans that didn't fit me in January, but now they look, dare I say, good! So weight loss regime is on. I just need to do it in a healthier way, which means tomorrow, I am hunting down a gym and joining.
I need to care less about what others think and focus more on what I think. I mean, after all, Dr. Seuss said it best when he wrote "be who you are and say what you mean, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." I think that I have found a group of friends who completely embody that. It's time to be less concerned about fitting in and more concentrated on embracing how I stand out. I like standing out. I need to not be as worried about being judged because those who matter don't mind.
I need to realize that things come and go, and that there is a huge window of opportunity that is opening in front of me. My friend Lisa Richardson (some of you may know who she was) wrote in my yearbook: "Chris, you are an amazing person. Never set your sights too low.... shoot for the moon, and if you miss, don't worry, you will be among the stars." She was right. I miss her a lot. My dad gave me similar advice in his last month. He said, late one night, "Booby, you need to be who YOU are, not who you think others want you to be. You have made me proud, and I love you." I have never shared that before.
With that said, I think that with the change of seasons comes personal change. I am trying to be a better person. I have found several volunteer organizations where I can lend my time and give back. I feel really good about that.
On a more personal note, I think that most of you know that I am the type of gay that likes a good show tune. There, I admitted it. I will stay the pseudo indie-hipster I am, but if a Sondheim song comes on, you know this bitch will work it out. And even though they made Xanadu into a musical, I am partial to this. Sure, it's the kids from Glee, but if ever a show tune spoke to me, it is this part of the song:
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down
New season, new attitude. I am through with people pulling, and putting me, down. Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Random Musing - Spetember 22, 2010
It's been a whole week since I last wrote. I have a lot to say.
For starters, this has been a very weird week for me. I think it started on Sunday when I realized how alone I felt. Late night, iPod on, I realized that it was just me, listening to Rogue Wave. Now Rogue Wave isn't one of those bands that exudes a ton of meaning, but listening to "Lake Michigan" I was sucked in. It doesn't talk about loneliness or pining, but it speaks.
Then we had an appreciation lunch for our philanthropic endeavors at work. Now, I am flattered that I was invited, but what I did, to me, doesn't scream "giving back." My idea was to have every employee donate $5 to dress casual and the proceeds went to purchase supplies for the troops overseas. Now, I don't personally know anyone overseas, fighting for my freedom, but I am appreciative and full of pride knowing that there are people out there doing it. My gratitude is endless. I felt proud of being able to go and buy the supplies to make care packages for the troops. It was a life-changing experience, especially after being told "Thank You" by a woman whose young son was serving in Iraq.
I am not a giving person. I am not as charitable as I should be, at least I don't feel that way. I have been told, by many mind you, that I am a good person, but I don't feel it. I wish there was something more that I could do.
Which brings me to this: as a token of appreciation, all of the employees involved in our initiative were given a book called "How Many People Does it Take to Make a Difference?" Truth is, it is only one. Well, that's what the book's cover said. As I thumbed through the book, and tried to choke back tears, I was moved by one of the quotes. It said "there are only so many tomorrows." Tomorrow. We put off today what we can do tomorrow. But what if tomorrow doesn't come. I lost my dad at when he was a mere 62 years old. That's young, especially given the statistics on how long we live. His tomorrow never came. And he was a good man. A great man. A man I wish I was more like, and more importantly, who I try to be like. You know I miss him terribly, and even as I write this, I choke back the tears knowing he isn't here to celebrate my triumphs, comfort me when I am down, and bitch about UGA football.
There are only so many tomorrows.
I think about what I have to do tomorrow. I have to wake up and walk my dog; a dog which makes my life complete, even though he whines constantly and is the neediest dog in the world, but he is mine and I saved him. He is my world. My life would be empty without Wally in it. Incredibly empty. How I can love something this much makes me realize that I do have something in me to make the world a better place, at least for a dog.
I need to go to work. I am not one of the millions of people who are without work. In fact, I have what may be my dream job. I interact with people. I work with a great team. I have people who seek my feedback and take it to heart. It's not a "have to," it's a privilege to be able to go to work everyday and love what I do. "If you love what you do, you will never work another day in your life" - Confucius. He was right!
I need to pay bills, make dinner, and take care of myself. I have the ability to do that. I am lucky. Luckier than most in the world. I wish I could see that.
I need to reach out to my family and friends to check in. It's my nature. I love my family. I love my sister. I love my mother. I love them because at the end of the day, I have them to lean on, even if I am a shit. They see beyond it. They see past the superficial. They see past the bullshit. They see me for who I am. I love that I have the connection I have with them. My friends, old and new, are there regardless. Coworkers, old friends, new friends, they get me. I have wonderful people in my life. When I am blue, I know that the girls are a phone call away, and just the sound of their voices puts a smile on my face. I am so fortunate to have these relationships that have spanned decades. I am more fortunate that I have relationships that have spanned weeks and months, too. Since my move, I have met people that I know I wouldn't have if I hadn't made a life-changing decision.
I need to think about school. Even though I am on a break from my education, I have the ability to seek it out. I am lucky. I am earning my masters and bettering myself, and have been told how amazing I am for working and going to school. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I need to be more philanthropic. Which leads me to this question. What can I get involved in to be more philanthropic? I want to give back more. I want to make sure my tomorrows count.
I leave you with this. I love this song, especially the line that says "Gotta keep faith that your path will change. Gotta keep faith that your luck will change, tomorrow!" It will. I know this. I have an incredible network. I am so fortunate that so many have given back to me. It's time to pay it forward.
For starters, this has been a very weird week for me. I think it started on Sunday when I realized how alone I felt. Late night, iPod on, I realized that it was just me, listening to Rogue Wave. Now Rogue Wave isn't one of those bands that exudes a ton of meaning, but listening to "Lake Michigan" I was sucked in. It doesn't talk about loneliness or pining, but it speaks.
Then we had an appreciation lunch for our philanthropic endeavors at work. Now, I am flattered that I was invited, but what I did, to me, doesn't scream "giving back." My idea was to have every employee donate $5 to dress casual and the proceeds went to purchase supplies for the troops overseas. Now, I don't personally know anyone overseas, fighting for my freedom, but I am appreciative and full of pride knowing that there are people out there doing it. My gratitude is endless. I felt proud of being able to go and buy the supplies to make care packages for the troops. It was a life-changing experience, especially after being told "Thank You" by a woman whose young son was serving in Iraq.
I am not a giving person. I am not as charitable as I should be, at least I don't feel that way. I have been told, by many mind you, that I am a good person, but I don't feel it. I wish there was something more that I could do.
Which brings me to this: as a token of appreciation, all of the employees involved in our initiative were given a book called "How Many People Does it Take to Make a Difference?" Truth is, it is only one. Well, that's what the book's cover said. As I thumbed through the book, and tried to choke back tears, I was moved by one of the quotes. It said "there are only so many tomorrows." Tomorrow. We put off today what we can do tomorrow. But what if tomorrow doesn't come. I lost my dad at when he was a mere 62 years old. That's young, especially given the statistics on how long we live. His tomorrow never came. And he was a good man. A great man. A man I wish I was more like, and more importantly, who I try to be like. You know I miss him terribly, and even as I write this, I choke back the tears knowing he isn't here to celebrate my triumphs, comfort me when I am down, and bitch about UGA football.
There are only so many tomorrows.
I think about what I have to do tomorrow. I have to wake up and walk my dog; a dog which makes my life complete, even though he whines constantly and is the neediest dog in the world, but he is mine and I saved him. He is my world. My life would be empty without Wally in it. Incredibly empty. How I can love something this much makes me realize that I do have something in me to make the world a better place, at least for a dog.
I need to go to work. I am not one of the millions of people who are without work. In fact, I have what may be my dream job. I interact with people. I work with a great team. I have people who seek my feedback and take it to heart. It's not a "have to," it's a privilege to be able to go to work everyday and love what I do. "If you love what you do, you will never work another day in your life" - Confucius. He was right!
I need to pay bills, make dinner, and take care of myself. I have the ability to do that. I am lucky. Luckier than most in the world. I wish I could see that.
I need to reach out to my family and friends to check in. It's my nature. I love my family. I love my sister. I love my mother. I love them because at the end of the day, I have them to lean on, even if I am a shit. They see beyond it. They see past the superficial. They see past the bullshit. They see me for who I am. I love that I have the connection I have with them. My friends, old and new, are there regardless. Coworkers, old friends, new friends, they get me. I have wonderful people in my life. When I am blue, I know that the girls are a phone call away, and just the sound of their voices puts a smile on my face. I am so fortunate to have these relationships that have spanned decades. I am more fortunate that I have relationships that have spanned weeks and months, too. Since my move, I have met people that I know I wouldn't have if I hadn't made a life-changing decision.
I need to think about school. Even though I am on a break from my education, I have the ability to seek it out. I am lucky. I am earning my masters and bettering myself, and have been told how amazing I am for working and going to school. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I need to be more philanthropic. Which leads me to this question. What can I get involved in to be more philanthropic? I want to give back more. I want to make sure my tomorrows count.
I leave you with this. I love this song, especially the line that says "Gotta keep faith that your path will change. Gotta keep faith that your luck will change, tomorrow!" It will. I know this. I have an incredible network. I am so fortunate that so many have given back to me. It's time to pay it forward.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Random Musing - September 15, 2010
Tonight, I got a lot of thinking about those who come and go from our lives. Some stay forever, some, just a short while. Since my move to the city, I have been introduced to several new people who I am incredibly excited to have met, and I have lost connections along the way. The one person though who isn't there is my dad. I know I write a lot about my dad, but tonight is different. You see, I was cleaning off my desktop tonight of all the old grad school papers I wrote for other classes and I came across a file called "Eulogy." I forgot that it was on my desktop and I opened it. And I cried. A lot. I miss my dad something awful, especially this time of year. Even as a gay man, I can still talk sports, and I think that my dad had a lot to do with that. I mean, I would recap the football games with him every weekend when he was here. Watching football isn't the same, but I know that if I didn't do it, I wouldn't be able to fondly remember my dad. So, as I am going through the eulogy I wrote, I realized how short, simple, and to the point it was; just like my dad was. I know this is self-serving, but I feel it is appropriate, so I will share it with you.
Thank you all for coming today to share in the memory of my father’s life. Most of you knew Ron Blasdel in some capacity or another. I knew him only as my dad; the guy that no matter what was there when I needed him. Over the past few days, I have heard many things stated about my dad. That he was larger than life; that he was always had a big grin on his face; that he enjoyed life. What I knew about my dad was this: he loved his family. He and my mother Maureen celebrated forty years of marriage earlier this year. He loved talking about his grandchildren Nicholas, William, and Samantha. He looked forward to visits from my sister Amy and her husband, Rob and from myself and my partner Bob. He loved playing Brady to Moss with his dog Molly. He loved the Sunday phone calls, the holiday meals, the birthdays, and just spending time with his family. Most of you know my dad was an avid golfer and nothing made him happier than swinging a club and playing 18. He loved living in Hilton Head and would always let us know that it was “another beautiful day in the Low Country” regardless of the time of year it was. My dad loved his cigars, and his second favorite pastime was when he was engrossed in a good book with a good cigar. At the end of the day, my dad loved many things, but it was his family he loved the most. Everything else was just the gravy on top. So today, as we mourn this loss and work on mending the enormous, larger than life hole that we have been left, we should keep the memories and stories we have of Ron, my dad, with us.
As I recollect the past, and feel that I have a guardian angel over me, making sure I make smart, if not always the right choices. He always said "that's just the gravy, Christopher, don't worry about it." I never got that until I was older. I am realizing that the gravy these days is anything exciting that happens in my life.
So tonight, I share two things with you. The first is a photograph taken in 2007. My mom and dad took myself and my partner to Charleston for a night. It was an incredible evening, and my dad, being a huge history buff, was in his element.
Dad, me and Mom, November 2007
The second thing is this. My dad loved The Beatles, and he definitely passed that on to me. I love this song because it speaks volumes and there is an eternal message attached to it. "And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make." You all know I miss my dad something awful, and this blog not only serves as an outlet to get the creative juices flowing, but it allows me to really remember the impact my dad has made on me. I am a better person, the person I am today, because I had such an amazing role model.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Random Musing - September 13, 2010
Wine. I love it. Everyone should. There is something about the fact that grapes can ferment and turn into this amazingly delicious substance that I love. Now, I am not wino and I don't drink cheap wine or ripple, but I gotta tell you, I love it. I was thinking today a lot about wine and how many memories of my past are wine induced. My favorite trip ever: Wine Country. A favorite memory of youth: drinking table wine with my host family on my first night in Chainaz Les Frases in France. Recent wine memory: opening a magnum of St. Supery Elu with my oldest and dearest friends and toasting in the glasses that were given to my parents as a wedding gift.
As you can see, wine plays a significant role in my life. And not in a creepy way. Today I got a call from a former co-worker and a dear friend who asked me to make plans. We have a slumber party weekend in the works and her one request: make sure you have wine. God, I love you Court! You know me too well. There will be wine. There will be music. There will be dance offs. But most of all, there will be memories made to last a lifetime.
Life is what happens when you're making other plans. It's time I take life by the balls, live it up, and of course, enjoy the wine. I hope you do too! Cheers!
As you can see, wine plays a significant role in my life. And not in a creepy way. Today I got a call from a former co-worker and a dear friend who asked me to make plans. We have a slumber party weekend in the works and her one request: make sure you have wine. God, I love you Court! You know me too well. There will be wine. There will be music. There will be dance offs. But most of all, there will be memories made to last a lifetime.
Life is what happens when you're making other plans. It's time I take life by the balls, live it up, and of course, enjoy the wine. I hope you do too! Cheers!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Random Musing - September 11, 2010
Today is September 11th, and we as Americans are told to reflect on what happened nine years ago. They say that if you were alive when Kennedy was assassinated, you never forgot where you were. The same holds true for September 11th. I remember exactly where I was: I was at my desk at Putnam Investments in Andover, MA and heard "someone flew a plane into the World Trade Center." I thought nothing of it. But I went to Boston.com and watched, in horror, as the live footage showed another plane crashing into the tower. Those events on that day will stick with me for the rest of mine, and everyone else's, life. The thing I remember is having a co-worker tell me "My brother is on his way to LA this morning, I hope he is ok." Being the eternal optimist that I am, I reassured her that he was and to check in to see which flight he was on. Sadly, he was on Flight 11, and I was wrong with my comforting words. That is something I will never forget. Nor will I forget about all the lives lost on that day, especially of those willing to help out complete strangers to get them to safety. I have a lot of respect for firefighters and police, and get incredibly upset whenever I hear something bad has happened to someone who is out there protecting me. Today I reflected. I thought a lot about the last nine years and how I curse the TSA for making me take off my shoes, empty my bags, and hold up the lines at the airport. I know this is necessary, but I resent what happened on September 11th and how we still pay the price.
In the last nine years, I have had five jobs, three relationships, one husband, two dogs, several losses, and umpteen people come into my life who have become great friends. I have had three cars, three different pant sizes, four gym memberships, six cell phones, and my world collapse around me. I have been to a dozen weddings, two christenings, a million concerts, and several sporting events. Needless to say, there has been a lot going on in the last nine years. Today though, I reflected on those I knew, through six degrees of separation, of those who lost their lives to a bunch of fanatical zealots in the name of religion. And you know what? It really fucking sucks that there are people out there like that.
So tonight, after all is said and done; after we have all reflected, observed our moments of silence and thought about the events that transpired nine years ago, I can only think of one thing: hope. A hope that our world becomes a better place. A hope that future generations don't have to pay for the mistakes we make today. A hope that, no matter what, at the end of the day, we continue to love, support, and help each other. Listen to this and enjoy!
In the last nine years, I have had five jobs, three relationships, one husband, two dogs, several losses, and umpteen people come into my life who have become great friends. I have had three cars, three different pant sizes, four gym memberships, six cell phones, and my world collapse around me. I have been to a dozen weddings, two christenings, a million concerts, and several sporting events. Needless to say, there has been a lot going on in the last nine years. Today though, I reflected on those I knew, through six degrees of separation, of those who lost their lives to a bunch of fanatical zealots in the name of religion. And you know what? It really fucking sucks that there are people out there like that.
So tonight, after all is said and done; after we have all reflected, observed our moments of silence and thought about the events that transpired nine years ago, I can only think of one thing: hope. A hope that our world becomes a better place. A hope that future generations don't have to pay for the mistakes we make today. A hope that, no matter what, at the end of the day, we continue to love, support, and help each other. Listen to this and enjoy!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Random Musings - September 7, 2010
It's official! School is back in session. I felt it on my ride to work today. It took an extra ten minutes and the sighting of several frazzled parents who forget they have children in the car when they cut me off. (To the lady with the 80s bangs and tapered jeans who pulled out in front of me on Moody St. in Waltham today, you're welcome! But don't flip people off when they let you go, ok?)
I loved this time of year when I was a kid. I loved school. I loved textbooks, notebooks, pens, folders, binders, anything really that would be considered a school supply. I remember covering my textbooks with Market Basket bags, and writing the class name on it in big, black, permanent marker, than gradually adding doodles and names of my favorite bands to them. Call me a geek, but I loved taking copious notes, studying for tests, answering questions in class, and making my friends laugh at my stories. Most of all, though, I remember how AWESOME my wardrobe was. You see, even as a child, I was a clothes whore and label hound. If it didn't say Z. Cavaricci, IOU, Skidz, Girbaud, or Adidas on it, I didn't wear it (until I was a junior, when I found the Gap and thought bright oranges and yellows looked good one me). I was fashion forward, and always tried to look good. You can imagine how disappointed I was when I wasn't named best dressed, but instead, most talkative, as a senior. Even though I was all about my appearance, it ate me up that I couldn't be "the real me" when I was in high school.
As I grow older, there are some habits that never die. I still love my clothes, though I am learning that I don't always need a new pair of Hudsons when I see them. I still love to take copious notes in meetings at work (it helps me cover my bases). And I love making my friends laugh with my stories.
I have felt a little nostalgic today, thinking about my Junior year in high school. I remember driving all over the place, cranking up my stereo and having a good time. It was the beginning of the me I was to become, and I loved it. With that being said, I remember listening to tape loudly and being mocked for not listening to the popular stuff. I love this song. It made me want to pack up, go to college, and find my flock. Enjoy!
I loved this time of year when I was a kid. I loved school. I loved textbooks, notebooks, pens, folders, binders, anything really that would be considered a school supply. I remember covering my textbooks with Market Basket bags, and writing the class name on it in big, black, permanent marker, than gradually adding doodles and names of my favorite bands to them. Call me a geek, but I loved taking copious notes, studying for tests, answering questions in class, and making my friends laugh at my stories. Most of all, though, I remember how AWESOME my wardrobe was. You see, even as a child, I was a clothes whore and label hound. If it didn't say Z. Cavaricci, IOU, Skidz, Girbaud, or Adidas on it, I didn't wear it (until I was a junior, when I found the Gap and thought bright oranges and yellows looked good one me). I was fashion forward, and always tried to look good. You can imagine how disappointed I was when I wasn't named best dressed, but instead, most talkative, as a senior. Even though I was all about my appearance, it ate me up that I couldn't be "the real me" when I was in high school.
As I grow older, there are some habits that never die. I still love my clothes, though I am learning that I don't always need a new pair of Hudsons when I see them. I still love to take copious notes in meetings at work (it helps me cover my bases). And I love making my friends laugh with my stories.
I have felt a little nostalgic today, thinking about my Junior year in high school. I remember driving all over the place, cranking up my stereo and having a good time. It was the beginning of the me I was to become, and I loved it. With that being said, I remember listening to tape loudly and being mocked for not listening to the popular stuff. I love this song. It made me want to pack up, go to college, and find my flock. Enjoy!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Random Musing - September 6, 2010
I spent the day today with my boys on a deck in Cambridge. It was a perfect end to the summer, and I couldn't be happier.
I have been thinking a lot about the impending change of season. You see, in New England, we go from holy fucking shit hot to dear god, where is my jacket cool overnight. I feel it is right around the corner. I am looking forward to the leaves changing, the apples getting picked, and the comfort food being cooked. You see, I love this time of year for food alone. Call it nesting. Call it a sick love between man and food. Call it whatever you'd like, but I can't tell you how happy I will be to come home from work, preheat the oven, pull the casserole out of the fridge and wait an hour for warm, yummy goodness in front of the TV with Wally on my lap. The fall is when I saw screw it and order dessert out, or make them from scratch at home. It is when words like football, wings, and beer are staples in my vocabulary.
It's not only the food that changes, but my wardrobe as well. I go from short sleeve to long sleeve t-shirts, hoodies and sweaters, and jeans (or maybe shorts). I pack away the beach wear, the flip flops, the bathing suits. I rotate my shoe collection around, and break out my workboots, dress boots, hiking boots, and heavy sneakers. I change my work wardrobe around from khakis and polos to wool trousers and dress shirts. This time of year allows me to step it up a bit.
My habits change, too. I tend to want to be out more when the weather cools. I tend to be more social as the foliage changes. I enjoy house parties, gatherings, and cocktail parties with my friends. I get more and more creative with my libations. I put away the blender and the ice for warmer, stronger cocktails.
I welcome the fall. This one feels different. I feel that even though with all the changes going on around me, there is a sense of comfort in these changes.
My fall album for the past several years has been Oasis' "What's the Story (Morning Glory)." It came out at a very special place in my life, in the fall, and has always kind of stuck with me. My favorite song on the entire album is "Don't Look Back in Anger." I may not have been in a rock and roll band, but I do find a ton of meaning through music. So, I celebrate one of my fall favorites with you!
I have been thinking a lot about the impending change of season. You see, in New England, we go from holy fucking shit hot to dear god, where is my jacket cool overnight. I feel it is right around the corner. I am looking forward to the leaves changing, the apples getting picked, and the comfort food being cooked. You see, I love this time of year for food alone. Call it nesting. Call it a sick love between man and food. Call it whatever you'd like, but I can't tell you how happy I will be to come home from work, preheat the oven, pull the casserole out of the fridge and wait an hour for warm, yummy goodness in front of the TV with Wally on my lap. The fall is when I saw screw it and order dessert out, or make them from scratch at home. It is when words like football, wings, and beer are staples in my vocabulary.
It's not only the food that changes, but my wardrobe as well. I go from short sleeve to long sleeve t-shirts, hoodies and sweaters, and jeans (or maybe shorts). I pack away the beach wear, the flip flops, the bathing suits. I rotate my shoe collection around, and break out my workboots, dress boots, hiking boots, and heavy sneakers. I change my work wardrobe around from khakis and polos to wool trousers and dress shirts. This time of year allows me to step it up a bit.
My habits change, too. I tend to want to be out more when the weather cools. I tend to be more social as the foliage changes. I enjoy house parties, gatherings, and cocktail parties with my friends. I get more and more creative with my libations. I put away the blender and the ice for warmer, stronger cocktails.
I welcome the fall. This one feels different. I feel that even though with all the changes going on around me, there is a sense of comfort in these changes.
My fall album for the past several years has been Oasis' "What's the Story (Morning Glory)." It came out at a very special place in my life, in the fall, and has always kind of stuck with me. My favorite song on the entire album is "Don't Look Back in Anger." I may not have been in a rock and roll band, but I do find a ton of meaning through music. So, I celebrate one of my fall favorites with you!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Random Musing - September 5, 2010
Today, I was thinking a lot about movies I remember as kid. I remember being mesmerized by them and thinking "one day, my life will be JUST LIKE THIS!" Fortunately, I haven't skated into a wall a la Xanadu, got my heart ripped out and trampled on a la Pretty in Pink, or had a wild adventure a la Goonies. But I feel I am living. I am living a life that is EXACTLY what I wanted, even if it comes with a price.
Kurt Cobain said waiting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. I think this really resonates with me. I have always wanted to be someone else. Someone thinner and more muscley, someone wealthier, someone with "everything." As I get older, I realize the things I have in life money can't buy, the body I have is what I have, and even though I may not be wealthy, I am happy and content. Happiness happens when you least expect it. I am realizing that.
With that said, tonight's random musing is that regardless of everything that is going on in my life, when I step back, I know that at the end of the day, as long as there is a roof over my head, a dog in my lap, and the comfort of friends, I am truly a very happy guy. So, I leave you with Morrissey. Anyone who REALLY knows me knows that I relate to Morrissey more than any other artist. This sums me up!
Kurt Cobain said waiting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. I think this really resonates with me. I have always wanted to be someone else. Someone thinner and more muscley, someone wealthier, someone with "everything." As I get older, I realize the things I have in life money can't buy, the body I have is what I have, and even though I may not be wealthy, I am happy and content. Happiness happens when you least expect it. I am realizing that.
With that said, tonight's random musing is that regardless of everything that is going on in my life, when I step back, I know that at the end of the day, as long as there is a roof over my head, a dog in my lap, and the comfort of friends, I am truly a very happy guy. So, I leave you with Morrissey. Anyone who REALLY knows me knows that I relate to Morrissey more than any other artist. This sums me up!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Random Musings - September 1, 2010
Labor day weekend is right around the corner. I am starting to really hate this time of year. You see, last year for Labor Day weekend, I flew down to Hilton Head to spend the weekend with my dad who was recently diagnosed with cancer a few weeks prior, and my mom, to lend her a little support. I remember picking up the car at the airport, landing later than I expected, and heading over to the the gated community where my folks live. I remember the heaviness of the air, the Spanish moss under the moonlight, and the smell of my dad in his car. And I remember my dad. He didn't look like himself. He was gaunt and so thin in the face, but regardless of the physical differences, I remember how he lit up when I walked into the house and how he got up from his chair and gave me a Big Daddy hug like I remembered as a kid. Except, it wasn't my dad. It was this shell of him, dwindling away. But the light in his eyes was still there. I loved this weekend, though it was the last one where my dad was really able to function with limited help. It was the beginning of the end.
So, this weekend I dread will be incredibly painful. I will conjure up memories of my dad, both good and bad, and realize how empty it is without him around. I will watch Georgia football, and hope my Bulldogs win big, but won't make the celebratory phone call to Big Daddy. I will grill something, but it won't have the same taste as it did when my dad grilled out.
I have realized a lot over the past few months that no one is ever replaceable in our lives. People come and go from our lives for a reason and purpose. There are reasons the people in my life, old and new, are here. I am a firm believer in this. I welcome it. I embrace it.
So, if you read this, and feel something, think about the people in your life, past and present. Think of the impact they have left on you. Think about the impact you have left on them. Lately, I have been listening to a lot of music from my awkward college years. This song came out my Freshman year of college - a time where I was going through a tough transition in my own life. The lyrics are enough to drive any 19 year old in love crazy. I hope you can connect to it to.
Happy Labor Day. Be safe this weekend!
So, this weekend I dread will be incredibly painful. I will conjure up memories of my dad, both good and bad, and realize how empty it is without him around. I will watch Georgia football, and hope my Bulldogs win big, but won't make the celebratory phone call to Big Daddy. I will grill something, but it won't have the same taste as it did when my dad grilled out.
I have realized a lot over the past few months that no one is ever replaceable in our lives. People come and go from our lives for a reason and purpose. There are reasons the people in my life, old and new, are here. I am a firm believer in this. I welcome it. I embrace it.
So, if you read this, and feel something, think about the people in your life, past and present. Think of the impact they have left on you. Think about the impact you have left on them. Lately, I have been listening to a lot of music from my awkward college years. This song came out my Freshman year of college - a time where I was going through a tough transition in my own life. The lyrics are enough to drive any 19 year old in love crazy. I hope you can connect to it to.
Happy Labor Day. Be safe this weekend!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Random Musings - August 30, 2010
Luck. What is luck? I have been asking myself that a lot lately. Lately, it seems my luck works in mysterious ways. I guess that makes me pretty lucky, but it makes me wonder, do we all have some sort of chance with fate?
Here's my point: Today I went to my first mediation session for my divorce. There, I said it. I won't bore you with the details, but sitting and listening to the mediator did two things for me: It validated that I was making the right choice, and it showed me I am not the bad guy here. Sure, I broke someones heart and sadly, that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. That fucking sucks. I have always wanted to be the good guy, and now, I have this shit to deal with. On the flip side, my heart is broken too - my marriage failed. It's no one's fault. It happened. I tried it. I learned. I am living with the consequences. At $X per hour, it shows that there really is a price on love. But what about the luck?
Am I lucky I realized it was broken and couldn't fix it? Yes! Am I lucky that on the other side, I have this remarkable support group, most of whom would take a bullet for me? Hell yes? Am I lucky to have learned a lesson? You bet your ass I am.
So today, when both parties left, it wasn't spiteful or disappointing. It was relaxed and civil. It was... dare I say... nice. It also validated that yes, the relationship is over and now that I have been married once, I don't have to do it again, but being able to have a decent conversation when all was said and done made the sting a little more bearable. And I am not down on love - I am a firm believer in love. But right now, the person I need to love the most is myself... and according to Carrie Bradshaw, that is the most significant relationship out there. And I am lucky. I am lucky that I have what I have. I am lucky to take life by the balls and run with it. I am lucky to fall on my face, or my fat ass, and be taught something. I am lucky to have this experience. But most of all, I am lucky to have chance encounters with complete strangers who become friends, rekindle old relationships from my past like they never vanished, and to be able to call those I love and have them pick up and talk!
I am not always lucky, but I am fortunate to be able to understand that. I haven't won the lottery, been scouted as the next "It boy," or even found the cure for cancer. Regardless, I wouldn't give this up for anything. (And one of these days, someone will notice this guy for the SUPERSTAR he is!)
I leave you with this. I have always connected with this song. Especially the part about love, cause all the love I have is in my mind! Urban Hymns by the Verve is an album that changed my life and "Lucky Man" is the reason for it. I hope you can feel the connection to it as well!
Here's my point: Today I went to my first mediation session for my divorce. There, I said it. I won't bore you with the details, but sitting and listening to the mediator did two things for me: It validated that I was making the right choice, and it showed me I am not the bad guy here. Sure, I broke someones heart and sadly, that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. That fucking sucks. I have always wanted to be the good guy, and now, I have this shit to deal with. On the flip side, my heart is broken too - my marriage failed. It's no one's fault. It happened. I tried it. I learned. I am living with the consequences. At $X per hour, it shows that there really is a price on love. But what about the luck?
Am I lucky I realized it was broken and couldn't fix it? Yes! Am I lucky that on the other side, I have this remarkable support group, most of whom would take a bullet for me? Hell yes? Am I lucky to have learned a lesson? You bet your ass I am.
So today, when both parties left, it wasn't spiteful or disappointing. It was relaxed and civil. It was... dare I say... nice. It also validated that yes, the relationship is over and now that I have been married once, I don't have to do it again, but being able to have a decent conversation when all was said and done made the sting a little more bearable. And I am not down on love - I am a firm believer in love. But right now, the person I need to love the most is myself... and according to Carrie Bradshaw, that is the most significant relationship out there. And I am lucky. I am lucky that I have what I have. I am lucky to take life by the balls and run with it. I am lucky to fall on my face, or my fat ass, and be taught something. I am lucky to have this experience. But most of all, I am lucky to have chance encounters with complete strangers who become friends, rekindle old relationships from my past like they never vanished, and to be able to call those I love and have them pick up and talk!
I am not always lucky, but I am fortunate to be able to understand that. I haven't won the lottery, been scouted as the next "It boy," or even found the cure for cancer. Regardless, I wouldn't give this up for anything. (And one of these days, someone will notice this guy for the SUPERSTAR he is!)
I leave you with this. I have always connected with this song. Especially the part about love, cause all the love I have is in my mind! Urban Hymns by the Verve is an album that changed my life and "Lucky Man" is the reason for it. I hope you can feel the connection to it as well!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Random Musings - August 29, 2010
I have officially completed my duties and Mammadukes is back safe and sound in paradise. Overall, the ride went fairly smooth, albeit we had a few bumps along the way. I am glad I did it, and even happier I don;t have to do it again until June.
September is right around the corner, and I am looking forward to the changes that will come with it. Be them personal, professional or academic changes, I know they will make me a smarter, stronger, and more civil person. Since my move to Arlington, I have reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, and reconnected with Boston in a way that I never thought I would. I feel like I am twenty-something again. It is a good, yet scary feeling that I hope sticks with me for a while.
Change is inevitable - we all change somehow. I know that my recent changes will make me a better person. I hope that everyone involved sees that.
With that, I leave you with this. Time may change me, but I can't trace time! Thanks, Bowie!
September is right around the corner, and I am looking forward to the changes that will come with it. Be them personal, professional or academic changes, I know they will make me a smarter, stronger, and more civil person. Since my move to Arlington, I have reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, and reconnected with Boston in a way that I never thought I would. I feel like I am twenty-something again. It is a good, yet scary feeling that I hope sticks with me for a while.
Change is inevitable - we all change somehow. I know that my recent changes will make me a better person. I hope that everyone involved sees that.
With that, I leave you with this. Time may change me, but I can't trace time! Thanks, Bowie!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Random Musings - August 26, 2010
Tomorrow I embark on the roadtrip to take my mother back home. You see, she and my dad used to spend a few weeks up here each summer after they moved to Hilton Head, SC, and with my dad gone now, my mom needs someone to "do the drive" with. Since I have no obligations in life, I get to accompany my mom on the roadtrip and have some QT with her.
I have done this drive several times. In fact, I know these roads like the back of my hand. Though there is something incredibly different about this trip now. I feel it gives my mom solace in knowing that she still can come home and visit and not feel alone. I am happy to do it. Really. My mom has a sweet ride. We have satellite radio. We listen to ABBA. I mean, what more could a gay boy want?
It isn't so much the trip, but the journey. In these long car rides, I feel like I know my mom, and my dad, better than I could have imagined. My parents have always been my biggest champions, and I know I write a lot about my dad, but I feel I don't give my mom as much a spotlight.
My mother is amazing. There I said it. She was an educator for over thirty years, and although I never wanted her help, I am a fool to not have followed her instructions. She is the smartest person I know. She definitely knows her shit, and she is certainly, by far, the brightest star in my sky. I would be lost without her.
So with this trip, though dreadful and long, I know a few things:
1. My mom will make me laugh. We will share jokes. She will tell stories. She will key me in on my family's past and help me learn more about who I am from it.
2. I will miss her terribly when she goes back, even though I rarely saw her while she was here. I hate that I take her presence for granted, but sometimes, the comfort of a mom chat or a hug and an "I love you, Booby" makes me more complete than I could ever be.
3. I wish she wasn't so far away.
So this trip, though short in reality, is numbered. In a few years, we won't drive back and forth. She will fly. It will be an airport pickup rather than a long, drawn out affair. I will miss the bonding. I will miss the stories. I will miss the screaming "slow down" and the dinners at Olive Garden. But most of all, I will miss the past. Just as I miss my dad, I will miss these moments shared with my mother in a car, on a long drive back to her past.
With that, I leave you with this. John Hiatt wrote the song, but Mandy Moore has a great version. And the story behind it is that as doubtful as I feel about how my mom feels about me, I know that she has a little faith in me. And my dad always told me that! Happy trails!
I have done this drive several times. In fact, I know these roads like the back of my hand. Though there is something incredibly different about this trip now. I feel it gives my mom solace in knowing that she still can come home and visit and not feel alone. I am happy to do it. Really. My mom has a sweet ride. We have satellite radio. We listen to ABBA. I mean, what more could a gay boy want?
It isn't so much the trip, but the journey. In these long car rides, I feel like I know my mom, and my dad, better than I could have imagined. My parents have always been my biggest champions, and I know I write a lot about my dad, but I feel I don't give my mom as much a spotlight.
My mother is amazing. There I said it. She was an educator for over thirty years, and although I never wanted her help, I am a fool to not have followed her instructions. She is the smartest person I know. She definitely knows her shit, and she is certainly, by far, the brightest star in my sky. I would be lost without her.
So with this trip, though dreadful and long, I know a few things:
1. My mom will make me laugh. We will share jokes. She will tell stories. She will key me in on my family's past and help me learn more about who I am from it.
2. I will miss her terribly when she goes back, even though I rarely saw her while she was here. I hate that I take her presence for granted, but sometimes, the comfort of a mom chat or a hug and an "I love you, Booby" makes me more complete than I could ever be.
3. I wish she wasn't so far away.
So this trip, though short in reality, is numbered. In a few years, we won't drive back and forth. She will fly. It will be an airport pickup rather than a long, drawn out affair. I will miss the bonding. I will miss the stories. I will miss the screaming "slow down" and the dinners at Olive Garden. But most of all, I will miss the past. Just as I miss my dad, I will miss these moments shared with my mother in a car, on a long drive back to her past.
With that, I leave you with this. John Hiatt wrote the song, but Mandy Moore has a great version. And the story behind it is that as doubtful as I feel about how my mom feels about me, I know that she has a little faith in me. And my dad always told me that! Happy trails!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Random Musings - August 25, 2010
I love Facebook. I really do. It is a connection to my past, my present, and maybe even my future. I relish that I have almost 1000 "friends." I love it that I can post whatever I want and people comment on it. But I think my favorite thing about Facebook is the pictures. I love looking at other people's albums and laughing, or crying, or thinking. It is like a glimpse into their world... which isn't much different than mine.
Different - what is that? Am I different? Hell yeah. Why go with the grain when you can go against it? I think that says a lot about the person I have become. I always fret about how others feel about me, but in reality, at the end of the day, does it really matter? I am learning that it doesn't. This life lesson may be one of the hardest that I have learned yet. I have always wanted to please people and make them happy, all the while sacrificing some of my own happiness. In recent months, I have learned that I am the one person who needs to be happy. I struggle with this as I haven't found the balance there yet. I am starting to learn that designer jeans, labels, fancy champers, and "things" don't make a person. It's about the life you live, the impact you leave, and the people you surround yourself with.
People make resolutions on New Year's Eve. I think I want to start a little early this year. Here is my list so far:
1. Be a better son and brother. It's just my mom, my sister, and myself. With my dad being gone, our family is one person smaller, but there is a huge gap. My dad really held us together. He didn't go with the grain, but did what he could to keep harmony in the house. He didn't care what people thought, but valued their opinion. He instilled values in myself and my sister very young - values that even some of the people I know today at my age cannot grasp. When he died, I didn't assume the role of "man of the house." It isn't my place - I accept that. What I don't get is that in recent months, my actions may not have been the best decisions. I vow to be a better member of my family. I vow to put family first. I vow to recognize that the more things change, the more they stay the same. (Plus ca change, plus ca reste la meme - Antoine de St. Exupery).
2. Enjoy what I have. This is easier said than done. My dad always said "they're just things, Chris." I realize that I have this immense network of friends, a dog that won't leave my side, a roof over my head, a job I love, a career that I control, and the ability to see the silver lining. My eternal optimism is not contagious, but hopefully one day those around me can see why I am the way I am.
3. Do something that scares me once a day. Be it working a difficult situation. Or maybe it's meeting new people in social situations (because contrary to popular belief, I have HUGE social anxiety, unless it involves live music. Then I am in my element!). What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
4. Enjoy my past. It is what has shaped me. It is who I was, who I am, and to an extent, who I will be. I won't relive my glory days. I will remember them fondly. Each day is a new day to make memories. I am SO ready to start making them!
5. Write often. This blog, as trite and simple as it seems, has been really good for me. I love being able to channel my thoughts and fears and hopes into a template and re-read them and love it. My book will come to fruition. The more you write, the better it gets.
I mentioned Facebook and pictures tonight. One song that really makes me reflect is this. When I was younger, I loved the band the Cure. This is one of my all-time favorite songs. And the more I look at pictures both from my past and present, I relish the memories. Especially the pictures of my dad, who I miss more and more everyday. I would give anything to fix him a martini and talk about Georgia football. At least I have pictures to reflect on.
Different - what is that? Am I different? Hell yeah. Why go with the grain when you can go against it? I think that says a lot about the person I have become. I always fret about how others feel about me, but in reality, at the end of the day, does it really matter? I am learning that it doesn't. This life lesson may be one of the hardest that I have learned yet. I have always wanted to please people and make them happy, all the while sacrificing some of my own happiness. In recent months, I have learned that I am the one person who needs to be happy. I struggle with this as I haven't found the balance there yet. I am starting to learn that designer jeans, labels, fancy champers, and "things" don't make a person. It's about the life you live, the impact you leave, and the people you surround yourself with.
People make resolutions on New Year's Eve. I think I want to start a little early this year. Here is my list so far:
1. Be a better son and brother. It's just my mom, my sister, and myself. With my dad being gone, our family is one person smaller, but there is a huge gap. My dad really held us together. He didn't go with the grain, but did what he could to keep harmony in the house. He didn't care what people thought, but valued their opinion. He instilled values in myself and my sister very young - values that even some of the people I know today at my age cannot grasp. When he died, I didn't assume the role of "man of the house." It isn't my place - I accept that. What I don't get is that in recent months, my actions may not have been the best decisions. I vow to be a better member of my family. I vow to put family first. I vow to recognize that the more things change, the more they stay the same. (Plus ca change, plus ca reste la meme - Antoine de St. Exupery).
2. Enjoy what I have. This is easier said than done. My dad always said "they're just things, Chris." I realize that I have this immense network of friends, a dog that won't leave my side, a roof over my head, a job I love, a career that I control, and the ability to see the silver lining. My eternal optimism is not contagious, but hopefully one day those around me can see why I am the way I am.
3. Do something that scares me once a day. Be it working a difficult situation. Or maybe it's meeting new people in social situations (because contrary to popular belief, I have HUGE social anxiety, unless it involves live music. Then I am in my element!). What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
4. Enjoy my past. It is what has shaped me. It is who I was, who I am, and to an extent, who I will be. I won't relive my glory days. I will remember them fondly. Each day is a new day to make memories. I am SO ready to start making them!
5. Write often. This blog, as trite and simple as it seems, has been really good for me. I love being able to channel my thoughts and fears and hopes into a template and re-read them and love it. My book will come to fruition. The more you write, the better it gets.
I mentioned Facebook and pictures tonight. One song that really makes me reflect is this. When I was younger, I loved the band the Cure. This is one of my all-time favorite songs. And the more I look at pictures both from my past and present, I relish the memories. Especially the pictures of my dad, who I miss more and more everyday. I would give anything to fix him a martini and talk about Georgia football. At least I have pictures to reflect on.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Random Musings - August 24, 2010
Last night, I was fortunate enough to go to the Red Sox game and see them win. I love the Red Sox, almost more than life itself. It was a rainy, cool night, but it definitely was an awesome game. A special thank you to my friend, Dan, for taking me.
I love Boston - I really do. Not just for the sports teams, but for everything that this city represents: freedom, progressive behavior, no-nonsense. The people of Boston are a unique, but incredibly civilized lot that make me proud to live (kind of) here (OK, I live in Arlington, but I can see the Hancock tower when I walk Wally, so I am close enough!).
Boston is such a great place, though. I mean, where can you see historical buildings, amazing fashion, and such a young population? Last night, I walked down Charles Street from Mass General and realized how tony the city really is. The cobblestone streets; all walks of life; restaurants, boutiques, hardware and liquor stores. There is something for everyone. I wouldn't trade living here for anything.
Or would I?
I don't really see myself living anywhere but here. I mean, I curse the dreaded winter, but I love a fresh snow on the ground. I hate wearing layers as it makes me look fatter than I am. I hate shoveling. But I love the vibe of the city, the buzz of a crowd, and the four seasons, even though spring really is early summer here, right after the tundra disappears.
I have thought long and hard of my top five favorite places in and around the city. I share them with you, here:
1. Fenway Park - It is the home of my (and everyone Else's) beloved Red Sox. The park is old. The beer is expensive. The crowd gets rowdy. But it is GORGEOUS! And I love it. And it doesn't matter where you sit, it's all incredible.
2. Newbury Street - Posh crowd, great eats, people watching. It really doesn't get better than that.
3. Comm. Ave through Allston - It reminds me of college, post-college, any memory I have "visiting" friends in the city when I didn't live there. Such memories last a lifetime. Plus, back in the day, a ton of great shows at various locations, dancing to the best music, and realizing that there is more to the city than Back Bay.
4. The Mass. Ave Bridge - Memories of crossing both ways, memories to come. Between the whiz of the cars and the wind off the Charles, it is an amazing walk.
5. Harvard Square - Something for everyone, and I can get lost there for a day! I love it!
What's your favorite spot?
I love Boston - I really do. Not just for the sports teams, but for everything that this city represents: freedom, progressive behavior, no-nonsense. The people of Boston are a unique, but incredibly civilized lot that make me proud to live (kind of) here (OK, I live in Arlington, but I can see the Hancock tower when I walk Wally, so I am close enough!).
Boston is such a great place, though. I mean, where can you see historical buildings, amazing fashion, and such a young population? Last night, I walked down Charles Street from Mass General and realized how tony the city really is. The cobblestone streets; all walks of life; restaurants, boutiques, hardware and liquor stores. There is something for everyone. I wouldn't trade living here for anything.
Or would I?
I don't really see myself living anywhere but here. I mean, I curse the dreaded winter, but I love a fresh snow on the ground. I hate wearing layers as it makes me look fatter than I am. I hate shoveling. But I love the vibe of the city, the buzz of a crowd, and the four seasons, even though spring really is early summer here, right after the tundra disappears.
I have thought long and hard of my top five favorite places in and around the city. I share them with you, here:
1. Fenway Park - It is the home of my (and everyone Else's) beloved Red Sox. The park is old. The beer is expensive. The crowd gets rowdy. But it is GORGEOUS! And I love it. And it doesn't matter where you sit, it's all incredible.
2. Newbury Street - Posh crowd, great eats, people watching. It really doesn't get better than that.
3. Comm. Ave through Allston - It reminds me of college, post-college, any memory I have "visiting" friends in the city when I didn't live there. Such memories last a lifetime. Plus, back in the day, a ton of great shows at various locations, dancing to the best music, and realizing that there is more to the city than Back Bay.
4. The Mass. Ave Bridge - Memories of crossing both ways, memories to come. Between the whiz of the cars and the wind off the Charles, it is an amazing walk.
5. Harvard Square - Something for everyone, and I can get lost there for a day! I love it!
What's your favorite spot?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Random Musings - August 22, 2010
A fine end to the weekend. I will share this with you.
Fall is coming, and this guy couldn't be more excited. Today in Arlington, it was cool, rainy, and just one of those days where it was ok to throw on a hoodie, take Wally for a walk, and enjoy the end of summer. Granted, I love summer, a lot. But there is something to be said about Autumn in New England. The leaves changing, the apples getting picked, the scarves coming out of storage. Now that I am living closer to the city, there are several things that I am absolutely excited about. They include, but are not limited to:
Concerts - Broken Social Scene, Jimmy Eat World, Belle and Sebastian and I am sure countless others
Head of the Charles Regatta - Hot crew guys, a nice crowd, good times
Pumpkinhead Ale - I love that stuff, and can drink it till I am blue in the face
Foliage - The colors in New England in the fall are like a technicolor dream come true
Friends - With Maine done for the season, I have a lot more time to hang out with my friends, which makes me incredibly happy
So, what is your favorite thing about autumn in New England?
Fall is coming, and this guy couldn't be more excited. Today in Arlington, it was cool, rainy, and just one of those days where it was ok to throw on a hoodie, take Wally for a walk, and enjoy the end of summer. Granted, I love summer, a lot. But there is something to be said about Autumn in New England. The leaves changing, the apples getting picked, the scarves coming out of storage. Now that I am living closer to the city, there are several things that I am absolutely excited about. They include, but are not limited to:
Concerts - Broken Social Scene, Jimmy Eat World, Belle and Sebastian and I am sure countless others
Head of the Charles Regatta - Hot crew guys, a nice crowd, good times
Pumpkinhead Ale - I love that stuff, and can drink it till I am blue in the face
Foliage - The colors in New England in the fall are like a technicolor dream come true
Friends - With Maine done for the season, I have a lot more time to hang out with my friends, which makes me incredibly happy
So, what is your favorite thing about autumn in New England?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Random Musings - August 20, 2010
I have been listening to a lot of Emo music lately. You know, Dashboard Confessional, Funeral For a Friend, Taking Back Sunday, et al. I connect to it sometimes. I think it is the pain in the lyrics that make it so powerful. Or maybe it is just me and where I am in my life.
Tonight is Friday night. I am home. Alone. Writing a paper for school but alone. The isolation makes you evaluate a ton of things. this soul searching has become a nightly ritual for me. When the sun has set, the TV is buzzing and the Red Sox lose BIG like they did tonight, it makes me wonder, is it all worth it?
Sure, I have a great job, fabulous friends, and a family I couldn't live without. My sister alone, although we constantly have disagreements, is my biggest champion and I can't imagine not having her let alone in my life, but my only sibling and my closest connection to my past. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, funny, compassionate, and above all loyal confidant to share my life. She makes me who I am, and although I never share it with her, she knows how much she truly means to me. Even if she mocks me for my impeccable fashion and grooming sense. (Enough David Gest comments already! I stopped waxing my brows!) I know I am truly not alone, but tonight, I am the solo person behind this computer so yes, I am ALONE!
Alone. What does that really mean? For me, it means coming home to an almost empty house, albeit Wally is here and greets me only when he wants out, but then shares his love through kissing my face and whining. Alone is the mail through the mail slot, on the hallway floor, not sorted. Alone is me behind the stove, a man, a can and a plan, cooking a gourmet, yet frugal meal. Alone is laughing to myself at Facebook or the asinine comments made in my virtual classroom. (And I swear, if I am told to have a Blessed Day one more time, I might throw up). Alone is making the tough decisions and seeing them through, regardless of future consequences or despair. Alone is texting someone with a joke and getting a witty response in return. Alone is wondering what could have been, what is, and what will be.
Regret is wallowing in the past and not looking toward the future. I am learning to live my life with no regret. And it sucks. But it is necessary. And I will continue to do this. It builds character. And it makes me who I am.
Tonight is an Emo night. Enjoy this! It sums tonight up a lot!
Tonight is Friday night. I am home. Alone. Writing a paper for school but alone. The isolation makes you evaluate a ton of things. this soul searching has become a nightly ritual for me. When the sun has set, the TV is buzzing and the Red Sox lose BIG like they did tonight, it makes me wonder, is it all worth it?
Sure, I have a great job, fabulous friends, and a family I couldn't live without. My sister alone, although we constantly have disagreements, is my biggest champion and I can't imagine not having her let alone in my life, but my only sibling and my closest connection to my past. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, funny, compassionate, and above all loyal confidant to share my life. She makes me who I am, and although I never share it with her, she knows how much she truly means to me. Even if she mocks me for my impeccable fashion and grooming sense. (Enough David Gest comments already! I stopped waxing my brows!) I know I am truly not alone, but tonight, I am the solo person behind this computer so yes, I am ALONE!
Alone. What does that really mean? For me, it means coming home to an almost empty house, albeit Wally is here and greets me only when he wants out, but then shares his love through kissing my face and whining. Alone is the mail through the mail slot, on the hallway floor, not sorted. Alone is me behind the stove, a man, a can and a plan, cooking a gourmet, yet frugal meal. Alone is laughing to myself at Facebook or the asinine comments made in my virtual classroom. (And I swear, if I am told to have a Blessed Day one more time, I might throw up). Alone is making the tough decisions and seeing them through, regardless of future consequences or despair. Alone is texting someone with a joke and getting a witty response in return. Alone is wondering what could have been, what is, and what will be.
Regret is wallowing in the past and not looking toward the future. I am learning to live my life with no regret. And it sucks. But it is necessary. And I will continue to do this. It builds character. And it makes me who I am.
Tonight is an Emo night. Enjoy this! It sums tonight up a lot!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Random Musing - August 19, 2010
I love this time of year. The days are getting a little cooler, the Patriots are on, and I know college football season is right around the corner. Life is good - at least part of it.
I have been thinking a lot lately of how the impact we leave on each other has such a bearing on our character. Frankly, I like to think I am a good person - not a great person like my mom is or my dad was - but a good person. I have my flaws. I am rash, abrasive, a little (ok, maybe a lot) snooty, and caught up with the Joneses. I hate these characteristics about myself. A good friend pointed out tonight that we all have flaws, it is what makes us who we are. I understand that. Very much so. What I don't understand is how I can come from such great stock and turn into a guy that isn't like his parents - his ultimate role models?
Many of you know this about me, but as a gay man, I feel like I have two strikes against me even before someone gets to know me. Not because I am gay, but because I am different. I know, I know, most of you are saying "We love you regardless." I appreciate that, I really do. It is nice to be accepted face-value, ask anyone. I think what I am trying to say is that even though I am different, I am still me. I like things. I like it when someone pays me a compliment. Because of this, I try to be as complimentary as possible. Sometimes it works out and something good happens, but sometimes, it backfires. I hate that. I hate that I can be this guy who can see the good in people and comment on it, and it isn't received the way it should be. I pose to you, my readers and followers, is it worth being a complimentary person even if the complimentee doesn't appreciate it?
What stems this? I think it is the years of rejection. The years when I tried to make a new friend by putting myself out there and having it backfire on me. What's the point? The point is, regardless of how it is received, I am still a complimentary character. It is definitely a trait I picked up from my parents more so than anyone else. I will continue to pay compliments, even if they aren't received the way I expect, and I will continue to do it with dignity, pride, and most of all, with the gentlemanly qualities that my role models have worked so hard to provide me.
Recently, I have learned that no matter what others may think, at the end of the day, if you can be the you that you love, that is all that matters. I am brusque. I am opinionated. And most of all, I am me, and there is no one like me in this world. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
So I leave you with this: I think of all the people who have come and gone from my life and realize that life is too short to really sweat the disappointments. I hope you find some sort of connection to this ditty. It definitely sums up this guy - a lot - and listen to the lyrics. It will change your world!
I have been thinking a lot lately of how the impact we leave on each other has such a bearing on our character. Frankly, I like to think I am a good person - not a great person like my mom is or my dad was - but a good person. I have my flaws. I am rash, abrasive, a little (ok, maybe a lot) snooty, and caught up with the Joneses. I hate these characteristics about myself. A good friend pointed out tonight that we all have flaws, it is what makes us who we are. I understand that. Very much so. What I don't understand is how I can come from such great stock and turn into a guy that isn't like his parents - his ultimate role models?
Many of you know this about me, but as a gay man, I feel like I have two strikes against me even before someone gets to know me. Not because I am gay, but because I am different. I know, I know, most of you are saying "We love you regardless." I appreciate that, I really do. It is nice to be accepted face-value, ask anyone. I think what I am trying to say is that even though I am different, I am still me. I like things. I like it when someone pays me a compliment. Because of this, I try to be as complimentary as possible. Sometimes it works out and something good happens, but sometimes, it backfires. I hate that. I hate that I can be this guy who can see the good in people and comment on it, and it isn't received the way it should be. I pose to you, my readers and followers, is it worth being a complimentary person even if the complimentee doesn't appreciate it?
What stems this? I think it is the years of rejection. The years when I tried to make a new friend by putting myself out there and having it backfire on me. What's the point? The point is, regardless of how it is received, I am still a complimentary character. It is definitely a trait I picked up from my parents more so than anyone else. I will continue to pay compliments, even if they aren't received the way I expect, and I will continue to do it with dignity, pride, and most of all, with the gentlemanly qualities that my role models have worked so hard to provide me.
Recently, I have learned that no matter what others may think, at the end of the day, if you can be the you that you love, that is all that matters. I am brusque. I am opinionated. And most of all, I am me, and there is no one like me in this world. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
So I leave you with this: I think of all the people who have come and gone from my life and realize that life is too short to really sweat the disappointments. I hope you find some sort of connection to this ditty. It definitely sums up this guy - a lot - and listen to the lyrics. It will change your world!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Random Musings - August 18, 2010
It seems as if everyone around me going through some sort of life change - pregnancy, death, marriage, and *gasp* divorce. I like to embrace change. I like that new beginnings come from some other beginnings end. Ok, that was Semisonic, but I worked it, right?
I am eager to see what happens in the next few months. I was recently told by someone that the decisions we make are half chance. I have no idea what that means. I know that I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few years. Do I regret the ride? No, not at all. I regret that I made decisions that were half chance.
Tonight, I have been pondering a lot about my birthday... though its months off, I will be 35 this year. When I was a kid, I thought this was old. I don't feel old. I feel somedays like I am 17 again. Some days I feel like I am 80. But I feel. And I think that is what is important. I can't live my life numb. I refuse to keep living in the background. I refuse to shy away from adventure. I want full chance, damnit!
I am eager to see what happens in the next few months. I was recently told by someone that the decisions we make are half chance. I have no idea what that means. I know that I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few years. Do I regret the ride? No, not at all. I regret that I made decisions that were half chance.
Tonight, I have been pondering a lot about my birthday... though its months off, I will be 35 this year. When I was a kid, I thought this was old. I don't feel old. I feel somedays like I am 17 again. Some days I feel like I am 80. But I feel. And I think that is what is important. I can't live my life numb. I refuse to keep living in the background. I refuse to shy away from adventure. I want full chance, damnit!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Random Musings - August 17, 2010
Divorce. It is such an ugly word. And I am going through one. I won't rehash the details of what led me to make this decision to protect all parties involved, but I can say this: at the end of the day, it is all about happiness. So that is why I share this with you this evening.
I say this a lot... I really connect to music. I find songs that I feel define who I am. Some of them are really good. Some of them are kind of stupid. All of them have a place for me at a point in my life. Over the past two years, I have made a playlist of songs that I feel define who I am. A lot of them stem from events that have taken place in my life. Most of them, I just connect to. So tonight, I offer you my playlist.
1. "I Feel It All" - Feist: This is the song I shared with you this evening. I connect a lot to this with recent events.
2. "All Is Love" - Karen O. and the Kids: I know, "Where the Wild Things Are." but I heard this for the first time when I was going to spend the night with my dad during his last days. He was a good man. He was all about his family - his most important asset. This song spoke to me. I can't hear it without getting choked up. Give a listen yourself here.
3. "God Only Knows" - This has a special place in my family's heart. I think you all know why. Watch me!
4. "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" - The Editors: This song definitely reminds me of the long nights waiting for things to happen. Good things or bad things, but mostly the waiting. I think you will like it, so here!
5. "Mistaken For Strangers" - The National: I know, cliche, but lately, and most of those who know me can attest to this, I haven't been myself. You will like it, so check it out!
Try these on for size. I will be sure to post more as I get more into this blog. This is a good start.
I say this a lot... I really connect to music. I find songs that I feel define who I am. Some of them are really good. Some of them are kind of stupid. All of them have a place for me at a point in my life. Over the past two years, I have made a playlist of songs that I feel define who I am. A lot of them stem from events that have taken place in my life. Most of them, I just connect to. So tonight, I offer you my playlist.
1. "I Feel It All" - Feist: This is the song I shared with you this evening. I connect a lot to this with recent events.
2. "All Is Love" - Karen O. and the Kids: I know, "Where the Wild Things Are." but I heard this for the first time when I was going to spend the night with my dad during his last days. He was a good man. He was all about his family - his most important asset. This song spoke to me. I can't hear it without getting choked up. Give a listen yourself here.
3. "God Only Knows" - This has a special place in my family's heart. I think you all know why. Watch me!
4. "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" - The Editors: This song definitely reminds me of the long nights waiting for things to happen. Good things or bad things, but mostly the waiting. I think you will like it, so here!
5. "Mistaken For Strangers" - The National: I know, cliche, but lately, and most of those who know me can attest to this, I haven't been myself. You will like it, so check it out!
Try these on for size. I will be sure to post more as I get more into this blog. This is a good start.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Random Musings - August 16, 2010
This weekend, I had an opportunity to hang out with some of my oldest and dearest friends. Time and distance may separate us, but the bonds we have shared for over twenty years make us as close today as we were back then. Thanks for a fantastic night, guys! I wish we could do it more often.
Friends are great - and I am fortunate enough to say that I have really lucked out with the group I have. I think it is about loyalty and unconditional love and respect. One of my favorite books of all time is "This Boy's Life" by Tobias Wolf. One of the first lines in the book reads - "I always know who my true friends are upon meeting them." I couldn't agree more. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I was four - she is an amazing person, dear friend, and has become a phenomenal mother. She doesn't hesitate to drop what she is doing to give a shout, shoot me a Facebook post, or just a text to say hi. I cherish that.
My friends who were over on Saturday are friends of mine since we were in grade school. I got picked on a lot when I was a kid - mostly for being incredibly effeminate - but sometimes from not going with the grain. Sure, I got good grades, dressed impeccably, and hung out with the "right" people - but there was always some douchebag who would turn my world of sunshine and lollipops into a shitshow. As I got older, became more comfortable with who I was, and began to live, I realized that these people were probably as insecure and freaked out in their own lives that they had to take it out on someone else. It is sad, really, when you think of it: how cruel we can really be to each other. The group that spent a cool summer evening in Arlington with me were the people who quietly hushed those who made my life hell. They accepted me face value - still do as a matter of fact - and my world is a better place with them in it.
As I get older, I realize how important relationships really are. We have our work relationships - the alignment of getting in with the right people to help your career. I can say that I hold these relationships in the highest esteem, as I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. You have your love/lust relationships - sometimes they work out and the world is wonderful (like my friends Creme and Ray), and sometimes they don't. You have your family relationships - which, for me, is like a blessing I never realize until it is tested. I write a lot about my dad - some of it to grieve, some of it to keep his memory fresh. In the few months, there hasn't been a day when I don't feel my dad with me, watching out for me, helping me make the right decisions, dealing with my struggles, getting the lead out. I am so fortunate to have such a fabulous family - my best friends - always looking out for me. A lot of people I know laugh at me for spending my vacations with my mom in South Carolina. Hey, home cooking, cocktail hour, and marathons of television shows? It really doesn't get better than that.
But there is something to be said about a relationship with a good friend. Like I said, time and distance may separate us, but I have an uncanny ability to reconnect as if I just saw the person - even if it has been years. Like I said, I always know who my friends will be within a few moments of meeting them. Sometimes, the relationships are short lived, though sometimes... I just get lucky!
So I challenge anyone who reads this to reach out to someone - be it someone you haven't spoken with in some time, someone you recently had a falling out with, or someone you think is the cat's pajamas. Trust me, you will thank me. Oh... and as the eternal optimist, I want to share something with you that has changed my outlook on some things. This song may be one of my all time favorites - and I hope you all like it.
Always Love
Friends are great - and I am fortunate enough to say that I have really lucked out with the group I have. I think it is about loyalty and unconditional love and respect. One of my favorite books of all time is "This Boy's Life" by Tobias Wolf. One of the first lines in the book reads - "I always know who my true friends are upon meeting them." I couldn't agree more. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I was four - she is an amazing person, dear friend, and has become a phenomenal mother. She doesn't hesitate to drop what she is doing to give a shout, shoot me a Facebook post, or just a text to say hi. I cherish that.
My friends who were over on Saturday are friends of mine since we were in grade school. I got picked on a lot when I was a kid - mostly for being incredibly effeminate - but sometimes from not going with the grain. Sure, I got good grades, dressed impeccably, and hung out with the "right" people - but there was always some douchebag who would turn my world of sunshine and lollipops into a shitshow. As I got older, became more comfortable with who I was, and began to live, I realized that these people were probably as insecure and freaked out in their own lives that they had to take it out on someone else. It is sad, really, when you think of it: how cruel we can really be to each other. The group that spent a cool summer evening in Arlington with me were the people who quietly hushed those who made my life hell. They accepted me face value - still do as a matter of fact - and my world is a better place with them in it.
As I get older, I realize how important relationships really are. We have our work relationships - the alignment of getting in with the right people to help your career. I can say that I hold these relationships in the highest esteem, as I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. You have your love/lust relationships - sometimes they work out and the world is wonderful (like my friends Creme and Ray), and sometimes they don't. You have your family relationships - which, for me, is like a blessing I never realize until it is tested. I write a lot about my dad - some of it to grieve, some of it to keep his memory fresh. In the few months, there hasn't been a day when I don't feel my dad with me, watching out for me, helping me make the right decisions, dealing with my struggles, getting the lead out. I am so fortunate to have such a fabulous family - my best friends - always looking out for me. A lot of people I know laugh at me for spending my vacations with my mom in South Carolina. Hey, home cooking, cocktail hour, and marathons of television shows? It really doesn't get better than that.
But there is something to be said about a relationship with a good friend. Like I said, time and distance may separate us, but I have an uncanny ability to reconnect as if I just saw the person - even if it has been years. Like I said, I always know who my friends will be within a few moments of meeting them. Sometimes, the relationships are short lived, though sometimes... I just get lucky!
So I challenge anyone who reads this to reach out to someone - be it someone you haven't spoken with in some time, someone you recently had a falling out with, or someone you think is the cat's pajamas. Trust me, you will thank me. Oh... and as the eternal optimist, I want to share something with you that has changed my outlook on some things. This song may be one of my all time favorites - and I hope you all like it.
Always Love
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Random Musings - August 11, 2010
So, my classes for school started this week. Goodbye social life, hello papers. I know, I signed up for it, so it's my own fault, but it is something I wanted to do for a long time. I am pursuing my MBA, which for most of my inner circle is kind of out of character. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, there is the whole "bettering myself" thing. I am a huge advocate of life-long learning - which explains my current job. Secondly, it is a challenge, and contrary to popular belief, I LOVE a challenge. However, I am doing it because it is a goal of mine - and one I hope to accomplish very soon!
You see, sports fans, I am smart... my family will attest to that. The thing is, I am smart when I apply myself. Let's not talk about college... ok? For me, this degree is so important. It makes me realize that perseverance, determination, and a little bit of drive can get you anywhere. It also makes me realize that I am masochist, and love that I am educationally abused and love every minute of it.
So my goal here is to not complain of the three HUGE papers I need to write in the next six weeks. It's not to bitch about the "group work" that comes with the program, and most importantly, it isn't to bitch that I don't have a life. I didn't have a life before Grad school... I am sure I won't have one after... but it's a life I like. I like being a homebody. I like having the phone ring and catching up with an old friend, and I like that when push comes to shove, my impeccable (HA) time management skills are put to the test.
Here is hoping the 4.0 stays after Human Capital Development! I will drink to that!
You see, sports fans, I am smart... my family will attest to that. The thing is, I am smart when I apply myself. Let's not talk about college... ok? For me, this degree is so important. It makes me realize that perseverance, determination, and a little bit of drive can get you anywhere. It also makes me realize that I am masochist, and love that I am educationally abused and love every minute of it.
So my goal here is to not complain of the three HUGE papers I need to write in the next six weeks. It's not to bitch about the "group work" that comes with the program, and most importantly, it isn't to bitch that I don't have a life. I didn't have a life before Grad school... I am sure I won't have one after... but it's a life I like. I like being a homebody. I like having the phone ring and catching up with an old friend, and I like that when push comes to shove, my impeccable (HA) time management skills are put to the test.
Here is hoping the 4.0 stays after Human Capital Development! I will drink to that!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Random Musings - August 9, 2010
I adopted a dog a few months ago courtesy of the Jeff Tarpley Rescue in Texarkana, TX. His story is heart breaking: He was thrown from a moving pickup truck at a Wal-Mart gas station and started heading for an incredibly busy road. Luckily, a good Samaritan noticed this little guy running for dear life and caught him, brought him to the local vet, and they contacted Jeff. (And I swear, if I had more money, I would be throwing a ton of it at him - Jeff is a saint, and one of the most decent human beings I have ever met). Needless to say, adopting Wally (yes, after the Sox mascot) has been one of the most rewarding events of my life. He brings me so much joy and happiness (I know, gay!), but he makes me laugh at all the things he does.
You see, Wally is still in puppy phase; he can't be older than 18 months. He is full of energy, cries when I leave for work, and won't leave my side. I can't imagine my life without him now.
Now, you are probably wondering: why is Blasdel writing about his dog. This isn't nearly as funny as it could be. Well, I am not there yet. I will share today's random musing with you, now!
I got home from work tonight, only to be met by my landlord, who quickly informed me "He cried a lot today." Shit! Just what I need... to be the guy who makes his dog cry by going to work. So, of course, I am embarrassed and walk into the house to check on the little guy. As soon as I turn the corner, it is like CHAOS has hit my freshly cleaned apartment. Wally broke free of the kitchen "play room" (read: cage) and tore the house apart. Food and water dishes, completely turned over; couch cover off the couch and balled on the floor; ironing board (and iron) tipped over. FUCKING CHAOS! So of course, as the gay parent, I pick him up to make sure there are no scares, cuts, lesions - and he is fine. But he is whimpering. SHIT! As soon as I go to get the phonebook to call the vet, he jumps out of my arms, onto the couch and is barking his head off, jumping up on the top of the couch and sniffing toward the floor. GREAT - I have a mouse! That's all I am thinking. So panic turns into frustration and I, very gayly I might add, pull the couch away from the wall and look - and Wally goes darting!
In his frenzy, his favorite toy was "lost" behind the couch. F.M.L. All this chaos for a friggin chew toy.
They say dogs keep you younger. I say BULLSHIT! Now I know why I am losing my hair and going grey. Sadly, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. If you are looking to be charitable, give to your local animal rescue, and if you want a pet - adopt! These guys are awesome. I saw a bumper sticker today that had a paw print which read "who rescued who?" Truer words could not be said!
You see, Wally is still in puppy phase; he can't be older than 18 months. He is full of energy, cries when I leave for work, and won't leave my side. I can't imagine my life without him now.
Now, you are probably wondering: why is Blasdel writing about his dog. This isn't nearly as funny as it could be. Well, I am not there yet. I will share today's random musing with you, now!
I got home from work tonight, only to be met by my landlord, who quickly informed me "He cried a lot today." Shit! Just what I need... to be the guy who makes his dog cry by going to work. So, of course, I am embarrassed and walk into the house to check on the little guy. As soon as I turn the corner, it is like CHAOS has hit my freshly cleaned apartment. Wally broke free of the kitchen "play room" (read: cage) and tore the house apart. Food and water dishes, completely turned over; couch cover off the couch and balled on the floor; ironing board (and iron) tipped over. FUCKING CHAOS! So of course, as the gay parent, I pick him up to make sure there are no scares, cuts, lesions - and he is fine. But he is whimpering. SHIT! As soon as I go to get the phonebook to call the vet, he jumps out of my arms, onto the couch and is barking his head off, jumping up on the top of the couch and sniffing toward the floor. GREAT - I have a mouse! That's all I am thinking. So panic turns into frustration and I, very gayly I might add, pull the couch away from the wall and look - and Wally goes darting!
In his frenzy, his favorite toy was "lost" behind the couch. F.M.L. All this chaos for a friggin chew toy.
They say dogs keep you younger. I say BULLSHIT! Now I know why I am losing my hair and going grey. Sadly, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. If you are looking to be charitable, give to your local animal rescue, and if you want a pet - adopt! These guys are awesome. I saw a bumper sticker today that had a paw print which read "who rescued who?" Truer words could not be said!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Random Musings - August 5, 2010
Tonight was our company's annual Harbor Cruise. It was a beautiful, albeit sweaty evening on Boston Harbor with my coworkers. All in all, it was a great time.
I landed my position at this firm in 2008. Since graduating college, I have worked in the financial services arena and can honestly say that I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do. I have a sweet job - one that allows incredible career opportunity and I love going to work everyday. I don't know how many people can truthfully say that. I am incredibly fortunate, and it is nice to be known by many, if not most, of the people I work with. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
If there is one thing I will admit to, I secretly enjoy cutting a rug, though my frame and size limit the moves I can do. Regardless of that, it never stops me from busting out when I hear "It's Tricky" by RUN DMC. And tonight, I did just that. Life of the party? Maybe! Always looking for fun? Hell yeah!
One of the things I am most surprised by is that I can make a group of people smile and laugh. I think I got it from my dad. He passed away last October, and though the loss is still incredibly fresh, I feel that his gregarious personality and command of a room has rubbed off on me somehow. I miss him terribly; my days aren't the same without him around. What I am most appreciative of is that he has provided me with the ability to really make my presence known. I am glad I can do that. My pops did well!
Tonight, I danced, I sang, I belted out some old school classics, but most of all, I made people smile. I love that. I also got maimed by a broken pint glass at the Black Rose (damn drunks!) but the battle scar will provide me with a decent memory for a long time. Just like the stories of my dad!
I landed my position at this firm in 2008. Since graduating college, I have worked in the financial services arena and can honestly say that I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do. I have a sweet job - one that allows incredible career opportunity and I love going to work everyday. I don't know how many people can truthfully say that. I am incredibly fortunate, and it is nice to be known by many, if not most, of the people I work with. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
If there is one thing I will admit to, I secretly enjoy cutting a rug, though my frame and size limit the moves I can do. Regardless of that, it never stops me from busting out when I hear "It's Tricky" by RUN DMC. And tonight, I did just that. Life of the party? Maybe! Always looking for fun? Hell yeah!
One of the things I am most surprised by is that I can make a group of people smile and laugh. I think I got it from my dad. He passed away last October, and though the loss is still incredibly fresh, I feel that his gregarious personality and command of a room has rubbed off on me somehow. I miss him terribly; my days aren't the same without him around. What I am most appreciative of is that he has provided me with the ability to really make my presence known. I am glad I can do that. My pops did well!
Tonight, I danced, I sang, I belted out some old school classics, but most of all, I made people smile. I love that. I also got maimed by a broken pint glass at the Black Rose (damn drunks!) but the battle scar will provide me with a decent memory for a long time. Just like the stories of my dad!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Random Musings - August 3, 2010 (or... my incredibly inappropriate night out with my friends)
In case you didn't know, sports fans, Sunday night's Arcade Fire show at the Bank of America Pavilion in Boston was hands down the best show I had ever been to. I had great seats, they put on an amazing show, and it totally solidified why I love this band so much. As great as the Arcade Fire was, it is their philanthropy that I am most impressed with. Regine Chassigne, the singer/muse of Arcade Fire, is a native of Haiti, and the band is offering proceeds from this tour to help with the earthquake devastation. I wish more bands were as thoughtful as them. It is a simple gesture that goes a long way.
The BofA Pavilion has become my home away from home over the past week. Last night, I had the privilege of spending a what started out nice evening with my dear friends Jim and Danny to see Keane. The show wasn't nearly as good as Sunday's show, but it had its moments. I am not a HUGE Keane fan, but can respect them and their artistry, however, I think a lot of it was wasted on my extremely bad behavior. You see, BofA serves the famous 24 ounce beers, so three of them equal a six pack (how's that for math? Not bad, huh, Mom?). Beer on a semi-empty stomach can lead to a night of magic, or ion my case, a night of "what the hell were your thinking."
I had three incredibly bad moments throughout the night, and as a HUGE fan of finding humor at my own expense (self-schadenfruede, perhaps), I feel it necessary to share them with my fans (read - anyone who actually reads this). First, I ran into a co-worker who is the epitome of class. I realized that my stories of Fran Healy (the opening act) and his band Travis were peppered with the F-word (for those of you who are slow on the uptake, that would be FUCK!). Today at work, she told me how HYSTERICAL I was. Note to self - start digging that hole to crawl into, RIGHT NOW!
Between sets, I got a little hungry (plus I needed something to sop up the copious amounts of Harpoon and, GASP, Bud Light I was drinking). In the quiet of the set change, I turned to my friends and said (screamed): "No more yankey my wankey, the Donger need food" (in my best Long Duck Dong impression). Now, a little about my friend Jim - nothing shocks him, he is the most unshockable person I have ever met. Nothing, until last night, however. As soon as the line came out of my mouth, I realized that we were conveniently seated next to a charming Asian couple. The color fading from Jim's face gave it all away. F.M.L!
Now the last inappropriate moment occurred halfway through Keane's set. I will set the scene:
Jim, Dan, and Chris sitting at the table taking pop shots at the crowd and listening to band. Small man and friend playing air guitar next to us. First thought, "Ok, we are at a concert, they may be a little drunk." As soon as the thought passes my mind, the small man comes over to me and asks: "Don't I know you?" Um, no, you do not. "Do you hang out at the Alley?" (Alley - Boston's "bear" bar, and yes, I do go there, but not often). No, sorry, you have me confused with someone else. "I'm (Insert Name Here)." Ok, stop!
Here are a few physical facts about me. I am not a tall man. I am 5'8, though I think I am more 5'7. Let's just say, I am not a tall man. However, when I meet someone who is shorter than my friend, Brandy (she is a petite 4'11 and cute as a button). This man, who I will now refer to as the "Pocket Gay" was SHORTER! Now, I know what you are thinking - God makes us all unique and we have no destiny over how tall we are, what color hair we are born with, or how great our ass looks in a pair of jeans - but when the Pocket Gay comes a knocking, it is time to leave Munchkinland. Sadly, I was like a shorty magnet all night, and my friends, embarrassed from the previous mocking Asian comment, were of no help. F.M.L.
If anything is learned here it is this:
1. Do not, I repeat, do not, drink beers at BofA on an empty stomach.
and 2. Well, I am not really sure what number 2 is, but I am sure there is a lesson that will be discovered down the road.
Though, you only live once, right? Maybe? How many times did James Bond live? That seems more my style.
The BofA Pavilion has become my home away from home over the past week. Last night, I had the privilege of spending a what started out nice evening with my dear friends Jim and Danny to see Keane. The show wasn't nearly as good as Sunday's show, but it had its moments. I am not a HUGE Keane fan, but can respect them and their artistry, however, I think a lot of it was wasted on my extremely bad behavior. You see, BofA serves the famous 24 ounce beers, so three of them equal a six pack (how's that for math? Not bad, huh, Mom?). Beer on a semi-empty stomach can lead to a night of magic, or ion my case, a night of "what the hell were your thinking."
I had three incredibly bad moments throughout the night, and as a HUGE fan of finding humor at my own expense (self-schadenfruede, perhaps), I feel it necessary to share them with my fans (read - anyone who actually reads this). First, I ran into a co-worker who is the epitome of class. I realized that my stories of Fran Healy (the opening act) and his band Travis were peppered with the F-word (for those of you who are slow on the uptake, that would be FUCK!). Today at work, she told me how HYSTERICAL I was. Note to self - start digging that hole to crawl into, RIGHT NOW!
Between sets, I got a little hungry (plus I needed something to sop up the copious amounts of Harpoon and, GASP, Bud Light I was drinking). In the quiet of the set change, I turned to my friends and said (screamed): "No more yankey my wankey, the Donger need food" (in my best Long Duck Dong impression). Now, a little about my friend Jim - nothing shocks him, he is the most unshockable person I have ever met. Nothing, until last night, however. As soon as the line came out of my mouth, I realized that we were conveniently seated next to a charming Asian couple. The color fading from Jim's face gave it all away. F.M.L!
Now the last inappropriate moment occurred halfway through Keane's set. I will set the scene:
Jim, Dan, and Chris sitting at the table taking pop shots at the crowd and listening to band. Small man and friend playing air guitar next to us. First thought, "Ok, we are at a concert, they may be a little drunk." As soon as the thought passes my mind, the small man comes over to me and asks: "Don't I know you?" Um, no, you do not. "Do you hang out at the Alley?" (Alley - Boston's "bear" bar, and yes, I do go there, but not often). No, sorry, you have me confused with someone else. "I'm (Insert Name Here)." Ok, stop!
Here are a few physical facts about me. I am not a tall man. I am 5'8, though I think I am more 5'7. Let's just say, I am not a tall man. However, when I meet someone who is shorter than my friend, Brandy (she is a petite 4'11 and cute as a button). This man, who I will now refer to as the "Pocket Gay" was SHORTER! Now, I know what you are thinking - God makes us all unique and we have no destiny over how tall we are, what color hair we are born with, or how great our ass looks in a pair of jeans - but when the Pocket Gay comes a knocking, it is time to leave Munchkinland. Sadly, I was like a shorty magnet all night, and my friends, embarrassed from the previous mocking Asian comment, were of no help. F.M.L.
If anything is learned here it is this:
1. Do not, I repeat, do not, drink beers at BofA on an empty stomach.
and 2. Well, I am not really sure what number 2 is, but I am sure there is a lesson that will be discovered down the road.
Though, you only live once, right? Maybe? How many times did James Bond live? That seems more my style.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Random Musings - August 1, 2010
Today is the day! I have been waiting five years to see them again and they are in BOSTON! Yes folks, I am going to see Arcade Fire tonight. If you haven't heard them, you must buy Funeral; it will change your life! Pictures to follow... after the show.
Fat kids, like myself, tend to really identify with something other than sports. Granted, I love sports... watching them more so than playing them these days; I was a competitive swimmer as a kid, but those days are long gone. Sure, I played rugby, but I got fat, so I stopped. Now, as my weight fluctuates, I lose more hair, and my clothes look less flattering, I find solace in music. A few more fun facts about me:
I love music - especially indie rock, alt-country, new folk, and electro-pop.
I worked at a music store in my younger years, and acquired a HUGE amount of mostly free CD's.
I have almost 10,000 songs on my iPod.
I rarely pass up a live show.
I like a lot of bands, but have a definitive list of favorites. They include New Order, The Smiths, Morrissey, The Cure, Radiohead, Wilco, and New Pornographers.
And lastly, most of the people in my life find me OBSESSED with music, to the point that every conversation has a reference worked into it.
My random musing today is this: last night, late night, I was listening to my iPod trying to fall asleep. I had it on shuffle, and didn't realize that there was stuff on there that I COMPLETELY forgot (a little) about. For example, "We're All Alone" by Rita Coolidge came on first. I think I heard this song for the first time in the dentist's office while having some horrible, torturous procedure done. The Terrorist, as we affectionately referred to our dentist as, had the easy-listening favorites of yesterday and today on in his office. Between drill noises, that gross suction sound, and the heavy breathing behind the surgical mask, Rita Coolidge's voice served as ear novocaine.
"Chasing Pavements" by Adele is next. Now, I knew this song was on my iPod, in fact, it may have been my favorite song of 2008. What I didn't know is that everytime I listen to it, the part in the bridge of the song where she says "Or should I (pause) keep on (pause) chasing pavement" gets me everytime! There is something about the pause there. Or her incredibly cockny accent. Or both. Who knows.. it just makes me varhklempt whenever I hear it.
"Golden Brown" by the Stranglers. Had no idea when I was 17 and living with a family in France that this song was about heroin. I thought it was about suntans. Hello naive. This song reminds me of 1993... and that summer.. and the fact that after over 20 years, my best friends then are still my best friends today. This song reminds me (though it's hard to sometimes see it clearly), that no matter how shitty or fucked up I think my life is, I have this amazing network of family and friends who would drop EVERYTHING for me. That speaks volumes.... and sometimes, I wonder if I would do the same. I would like to think so, but as it was recently pointed out to me, I am rather selfish. I need to work on that.
"Say What You Want" by Texas brings me back to stocking shelves at Staples in college. It was on the overhead system, sandwiched between gross "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain and "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft. There is something about Sharleen Spiteri's voice that reminds me of Dusty Springfield. And we all know how much the gays love Dusty! Much to my surprise, I was at a club and the song was mixed in to the set and Method Man of Wu-Tang Clan made a glameo appearance. I was floored... cause it was AWESOME!
"Half A World Away" by REM instantly transports me back to my sophomore year in high school. My mom bought me this CD and I played it non-stop. Whenever this song came on, I would cry because there was so much pain in Michael Stipe's voice (and it didn't help that I was struggling with my sexuality, either). So picture it, an on the way to being fat gay kid, sobbing uncontrollably to the pain in others. Wait, there is a lot of truth to that. I do that often. Maybe I am more sensitive than gay.
"Cowboy, Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks really gets me. I went to college in Georgia and I swear to God, the hottest guys there drove pick-up trucks with gun racks, wore Wranglers, and had their "going out" boots. And they were all straight, but all so hot. When I heard this song for the first time, I put myself back to 1994, getting drunk by shotgunning beers with the girls, and heading out to the many bars of Athens. Then, instantly, running off into the corner and being a wallflower, while I watched my girlfriends cozy up to these hot looking cow folk, then cursing them. As I got older, I went to "gay two-step" night and realized that my perfect boyfriend doesn't exist. Damn you, Dixie Chicks!
What can I say? I like music... a lot. So if you do come for dinner, be prepared to be peppered with some amazing tunes to set the mood. And if you are feeling nostalgic, let me know what songs bring you back. I gotta work this fat ass into a pair of skinny jeans, which we all know could take all day!
Fat kids, like myself, tend to really identify with something other than sports. Granted, I love sports... watching them more so than playing them these days; I was a competitive swimmer as a kid, but those days are long gone. Sure, I played rugby, but I got fat, so I stopped. Now, as my weight fluctuates, I lose more hair, and my clothes look less flattering, I find solace in music. A few more fun facts about me:
I love music - especially indie rock, alt-country, new folk, and electro-pop.
I worked at a music store in my younger years, and acquired a HUGE amount of mostly free CD's.
I have almost 10,000 songs on my iPod.
I rarely pass up a live show.
I like a lot of bands, but have a definitive list of favorites. They include New Order, The Smiths, Morrissey, The Cure, Radiohead, Wilco, and New Pornographers.
And lastly, most of the people in my life find me OBSESSED with music, to the point that every conversation has a reference worked into it.
My random musing today is this: last night, late night, I was listening to my iPod trying to fall asleep. I had it on shuffle, and didn't realize that there was stuff on there that I COMPLETELY forgot (a little) about. For example, "We're All Alone" by Rita Coolidge came on first. I think I heard this song for the first time in the dentist's office while having some horrible, torturous procedure done. The Terrorist, as we affectionately referred to our dentist as, had the easy-listening favorites of yesterday and today on in his office. Between drill noises, that gross suction sound, and the heavy breathing behind the surgical mask, Rita Coolidge's voice served as ear novocaine.
"Chasing Pavements" by Adele is next. Now, I knew this song was on my iPod, in fact, it may have been my favorite song of 2008. What I didn't know is that everytime I listen to it, the part in the bridge of the song where she says "Or should I (pause) keep on (pause) chasing pavement" gets me everytime! There is something about the pause there. Or her incredibly cockny accent. Or both. Who knows.. it just makes me varhklempt whenever I hear it.
"Golden Brown" by the Stranglers. Had no idea when I was 17 and living with a family in France that this song was about heroin. I thought it was about suntans. Hello naive. This song reminds me of 1993... and that summer.. and the fact that after over 20 years, my best friends then are still my best friends today. This song reminds me (though it's hard to sometimes see it clearly), that no matter how shitty or fucked up I think my life is, I have this amazing network of family and friends who would drop EVERYTHING for me. That speaks volumes.... and sometimes, I wonder if I would do the same. I would like to think so, but as it was recently pointed out to me, I am rather selfish. I need to work on that.
"Say What You Want" by Texas brings me back to stocking shelves at Staples in college. It was on the overhead system, sandwiched between gross "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain and "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft. There is something about Sharleen Spiteri's voice that reminds me of Dusty Springfield. And we all know how much the gays love Dusty! Much to my surprise, I was at a club and the song was mixed in to the set and Method Man of Wu-Tang Clan made a glameo appearance. I was floored... cause it was AWESOME!
"Half A World Away" by REM instantly transports me back to my sophomore year in high school. My mom bought me this CD and I played it non-stop. Whenever this song came on, I would cry because there was so much pain in Michael Stipe's voice (and it didn't help that I was struggling with my sexuality, either). So picture it, an on the way to being fat gay kid, sobbing uncontrollably to the pain in others. Wait, there is a lot of truth to that. I do that often. Maybe I am more sensitive than gay.
"Cowboy, Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks really gets me. I went to college in Georgia and I swear to God, the hottest guys there drove pick-up trucks with gun racks, wore Wranglers, and had their "going out" boots. And they were all straight, but all so hot. When I heard this song for the first time, I put myself back to 1994, getting drunk by shotgunning beers with the girls, and heading out to the many bars of Athens. Then, instantly, running off into the corner and being a wallflower, while I watched my girlfriends cozy up to these hot looking cow folk, then cursing them. As I got older, I went to "gay two-step" night and realized that my perfect boyfriend doesn't exist. Damn you, Dixie Chicks!
What can I say? I like music... a lot. So if you do come for dinner, be prepared to be peppered with some amazing tunes to set the mood. And if you are feeling nostalgic, let me know what songs bring you back. I gotta work this fat ass into a pair of skinny jeans, which we all know could take all day!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Random Musings - July 31, 2010
This is my second attempt at a blog, so chances are, this one will fail miserably, too. About me - 34 year old guy living outside of Boston who loves long walks on the beach, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I know, cheesy. My attempt at humor sometimes falls short, so I self-deprecate. It makes sense! Really, it does.
In all seriousness, why am I blogging? Well, two main reasons: I want to write a book and this is a creative outlet for me to get the writer's block out of the way. And secondly, well, sometimes stuff is too funny not to share. I want to have one of those blogs that everyone follows and then one day, some massive blog entity wants me to write for them and pay me big bucks to share my thoughts. Pipe dreams, yes. Far off? I am not sure.
Here is a little more about me. I recently left the man I shared the last seven years of my life with. Those of you who know him know he is a good guy - we just weren't "made to last forever." I moved out a month ago - back to paying rent, keeping utilities down to a minimum, and enjoying city living on the cheap. So if you are reading this, and would like a gourmet meal, bring me some wine and I will cook for you better than any restaurant can. I can thank my mom for that lesson - one of many I have learned in my 34 years that I am FINALLY appreciating.
So why am I really blogging? Well, truth be told, I have been crying a lot lately - for no other reason other than frustration. Today for example, I heard "Promises" by Eric Clapton and began to sob uncontrollably. Now before you all go saying"It sounds like you are dealing with a little depression," I can honestly tell you, I am not... confirmed by the MDs. I am not depressed - I am just going through the motions. We have happy days, we have sad days, and sometimes, we have fat days... those are the ones I have been having a lot of lately. I have always found keeping a journal to be incredibly cathartic, so I can channel my frustrations through words without feeling like I am bogging people down with my problems. It's a win-win!
My goal here - to entertain and educate. I can be snarky... I am ok with that, as should you be. You have been forewarned (insert maniacal laugh here!).
I hope you continue to read... and I continue to write. I promise not to sound too trite. Well, not all the time. Maybe a little of the time. Wait, maybe once a week. Who knows? I guarantee, this will be fun. Now if only I can figure out this putting on pictures stuff.... damn technology!
In all seriousness, why am I blogging? Well, two main reasons: I want to write a book and this is a creative outlet for me to get the writer's block out of the way. And secondly, well, sometimes stuff is too funny not to share. I want to have one of those blogs that everyone follows and then one day, some massive blog entity wants me to write for them and pay me big bucks to share my thoughts. Pipe dreams, yes. Far off? I am not sure.
Here is a little more about me. I recently left the man I shared the last seven years of my life with. Those of you who know him know he is a good guy - we just weren't "made to last forever." I moved out a month ago - back to paying rent, keeping utilities down to a minimum, and enjoying city living on the cheap. So if you are reading this, and would like a gourmet meal, bring me some wine and I will cook for you better than any restaurant can. I can thank my mom for that lesson - one of many I have learned in my 34 years that I am FINALLY appreciating.
So why am I really blogging? Well, truth be told, I have been crying a lot lately - for no other reason other than frustration. Today for example, I heard "Promises" by Eric Clapton and began to sob uncontrollably. Now before you all go saying"It sounds like you are dealing with a little depression," I can honestly tell you, I am not... confirmed by the MDs. I am not depressed - I am just going through the motions. We have happy days, we have sad days, and sometimes, we have fat days... those are the ones I have been having a lot of lately. I have always found keeping a journal to be incredibly cathartic, so I can channel my frustrations through words without feeling like I am bogging people down with my problems. It's a win-win!
My goal here - to entertain and educate. I can be snarky... I am ok with that, as should you be. You have been forewarned (insert maniacal laugh here!).
I hope you continue to read... and I continue to write. I promise not to sound too trite. Well, not all the time. Maybe a little of the time. Wait, maybe once a week. Who knows? I guarantee, this will be fun. Now if only I can figure out this putting on pictures stuff.... damn technology!
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