Luck. What is luck? I have been asking myself that a lot lately. Lately, it seems my luck works in mysterious ways. I guess that makes me pretty lucky, but it makes me wonder, do we all have some sort of chance with fate?
Here's my point: Today I went to my first mediation session for my divorce. There, I said it. I won't bore you with the details, but sitting and listening to the mediator did two things for me: It validated that I was making the right choice, and it showed me I am not the bad guy here. Sure, I broke someones heart and sadly, that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. That fucking sucks. I have always wanted to be the good guy, and now, I have this shit to deal with. On the flip side, my heart is broken too - my marriage failed. It's no one's fault. It happened. I tried it. I learned. I am living with the consequences. At $X per hour, it shows that there really is a price on love. But what about the luck?
Am I lucky I realized it was broken and couldn't fix it? Yes! Am I lucky that on the other side, I have this remarkable support group, most of whom would take a bullet for me? Hell yes? Am I lucky to have learned a lesson? You bet your ass I am.
So today, when both parties left, it wasn't spiteful or disappointing. It was relaxed and civil. It was... dare I say... nice. It also validated that yes, the relationship is over and now that I have been married once, I don't have to do it again, but being able to have a decent conversation when all was said and done made the sting a little more bearable. And I am not down on love - I am a firm believer in love. But right now, the person I need to love the most is myself... and according to Carrie Bradshaw, that is the most significant relationship out there. And I am lucky. I am lucky that I have what I have. I am lucky to take life by the balls and run with it. I am lucky to fall on my face, or my fat ass, and be taught something. I am lucky to have this experience. But most of all, I am lucky to have chance encounters with complete strangers who become friends, rekindle old relationships from my past like they never vanished, and to be able to call those I love and have them pick up and talk!
I am not always lucky, but I am fortunate to be able to understand that. I haven't won the lottery, been scouted as the next "It boy," or even found the cure for cancer. Regardless, I wouldn't give this up for anything. (And one of these days, someone will notice this guy for the SUPERSTAR he is!)
I leave you with this. I have always connected with this song. Especially the part about love, cause all the love I have is in my mind! Urban Hymns by the Verve is an album that changed my life and "Lucky Man" is the reason for it. I hope you can feel the connection to it as well!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Random Musings - August 29, 2010
I have officially completed my duties and Mammadukes is back safe and sound in paradise. Overall, the ride went fairly smooth, albeit we had a few bumps along the way. I am glad I did it, and even happier I don;t have to do it again until June.
September is right around the corner, and I am looking forward to the changes that will come with it. Be them personal, professional or academic changes, I know they will make me a smarter, stronger, and more civil person. Since my move to Arlington, I have reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, and reconnected with Boston in a way that I never thought I would. I feel like I am twenty-something again. It is a good, yet scary feeling that I hope sticks with me for a while.
Change is inevitable - we all change somehow. I know that my recent changes will make me a better person. I hope that everyone involved sees that.
With that, I leave you with this. Time may change me, but I can't trace time! Thanks, Bowie!
September is right around the corner, and I am looking forward to the changes that will come with it. Be them personal, professional or academic changes, I know they will make me a smarter, stronger, and more civil person. Since my move to Arlington, I have reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, and reconnected with Boston in a way that I never thought I would. I feel like I am twenty-something again. It is a good, yet scary feeling that I hope sticks with me for a while.
Change is inevitable - we all change somehow. I know that my recent changes will make me a better person. I hope that everyone involved sees that.
With that, I leave you with this. Time may change me, but I can't trace time! Thanks, Bowie!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Random Musings - August 26, 2010
Tomorrow I embark on the roadtrip to take my mother back home. You see, she and my dad used to spend a few weeks up here each summer after they moved to Hilton Head, SC, and with my dad gone now, my mom needs someone to "do the drive" with. Since I have no obligations in life, I get to accompany my mom on the roadtrip and have some QT with her.
I have done this drive several times. In fact, I know these roads like the back of my hand. Though there is something incredibly different about this trip now. I feel it gives my mom solace in knowing that she still can come home and visit and not feel alone. I am happy to do it. Really. My mom has a sweet ride. We have satellite radio. We listen to ABBA. I mean, what more could a gay boy want?
It isn't so much the trip, but the journey. In these long car rides, I feel like I know my mom, and my dad, better than I could have imagined. My parents have always been my biggest champions, and I know I write a lot about my dad, but I feel I don't give my mom as much a spotlight.
My mother is amazing. There I said it. She was an educator for over thirty years, and although I never wanted her help, I am a fool to not have followed her instructions. She is the smartest person I know. She definitely knows her shit, and she is certainly, by far, the brightest star in my sky. I would be lost without her.
So with this trip, though dreadful and long, I know a few things:
1. My mom will make me laugh. We will share jokes. She will tell stories. She will key me in on my family's past and help me learn more about who I am from it.
2. I will miss her terribly when she goes back, even though I rarely saw her while she was here. I hate that I take her presence for granted, but sometimes, the comfort of a mom chat or a hug and an "I love you, Booby" makes me more complete than I could ever be.
3. I wish she wasn't so far away.
So this trip, though short in reality, is numbered. In a few years, we won't drive back and forth. She will fly. It will be an airport pickup rather than a long, drawn out affair. I will miss the bonding. I will miss the stories. I will miss the screaming "slow down" and the dinners at Olive Garden. But most of all, I will miss the past. Just as I miss my dad, I will miss these moments shared with my mother in a car, on a long drive back to her past.
With that, I leave you with this. John Hiatt wrote the song, but Mandy Moore has a great version. And the story behind it is that as doubtful as I feel about how my mom feels about me, I know that she has a little faith in me. And my dad always told me that! Happy trails!
I have done this drive several times. In fact, I know these roads like the back of my hand. Though there is something incredibly different about this trip now. I feel it gives my mom solace in knowing that she still can come home and visit and not feel alone. I am happy to do it. Really. My mom has a sweet ride. We have satellite radio. We listen to ABBA. I mean, what more could a gay boy want?
It isn't so much the trip, but the journey. In these long car rides, I feel like I know my mom, and my dad, better than I could have imagined. My parents have always been my biggest champions, and I know I write a lot about my dad, but I feel I don't give my mom as much a spotlight.
My mother is amazing. There I said it. She was an educator for over thirty years, and although I never wanted her help, I am a fool to not have followed her instructions. She is the smartest person I know. She definitely knows her shit, and she is certainly, by far, the brightest star in my sky. I would be lost without her.
So with this trip, though dreadful and long, I know a few things:
1. My mom will make me laugh. We will share jokes. She will tell stories. She will key me in on my family's past and help me learn more about who I am from it.
2. I will miss her terribly when she goes back, even though I rarely saw her while she was here. I hate that I take her presence for granted, but sometimes, the comfort of a mom chat or a hug and an "I love you, Booby" makes me more complete than I could ever be.
3. I wish she wasn't so far away.
So this trip, though short in reality, is numbered. In a few years, we won't drive back and forth. She will fly. It will be an airport pickup rather than a long, drawn out affair. I will miss the bonding. I will miss the stories. I will miss the screaming "slow down" and the dinners at Olive Garden. But most of all, I will miss the past. Just as I miss my dad, I will miss these moments shared with my mother in a car, on a long drive back to her past.
With that, I leave you with this. John Hiatt wrote the song, but Mandy Moore has a great version. And the story behind it is that as doubtful as I feel about how my mom feels about me, I know that she has a little faith in me. And my dad always told me that! Happy trails!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Random Musings - August 25, 2010
I love Facebook. I really do. It is a connection to my past, my present, and maybe even my future. I relish that I have almost 1000 "friends." I love it that I can post whatever I want and people comment on it. But I think my favorite thing about Facebook is the pictures. I love looking at other people's albums and laughing, or crying, or thinking. It is like a glimpse into their world... which isn't much different than mine.
Different - what is that? Am I different? Hell yeah. Why go with the grain when you can go against it? I think that says a lot about the person I have become. I always fret about how others feel about me, but in reality, at the end of the day, does it really matter? I am learning that it doesn't. This life lesson may be one of the hardest that I have learned yet. I have always wanted to please people and make them happy, all the while sacrificing some of my own happiness. In recent months, I have learned that I am the one person who needs to be happy. I struggle with this as I haven't found the balance there yet. I am starting to learn that designer jeans, labels, fancy champers, and "things" don't make a person. It's about the life you live, the impact you leave, and the people you surround yourself with.
People make resolutions on New Year's Eve. I think I want to start a little early this year. Here is my list so far:
1. Be a better son and brother. It's just my mom, my sister, and myself. With my dad being gone, our family is one person smaller, but there is a huge gap. My dad really held us together. He didn't go with the grain, but did what he could to keep harmony in the house. He didn't care what people thought, but valued their opinion. He instilled values in myself and my sister very young - values that even some of the people I know today at my age cannot grasp. When he died, I didn't assume the role of "man of the house." It isn't my place - I accept that. What I don't get is that in recent months, my actions may not have been the best decisions. I vow to be a better member of my family. I vow to put family first. I vow to recognize that the more things change, the more they stay the same. (Plus ca change, plus ca reste la meme - Antoine de St. Exupery).
2. Enjoy what I have. This is easier said than done. My dad always said "they're just things, Chris." I realize that I have this immense network of friends, a dog that won't leave my side, a roof over my head, a job I love, a career that I control, and the ability to see the silver lining. My eternal optimism is not contagious, but hopefully one day those around me can see why I am the way I am.
3. Do something that scares me once a day. Be it working a difficult situation. Or maybe it's meeting new people in social situations (because contrary to popular belief, I have HUGE social anxiety, unless it involves live music. Then I am in my element!). What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
4. Enjoy my past. It is what has shaped me. It is who I was, who I am, and to an extent, who I will be. I won't relive my glory days. I will remember them fondly. Each day is a new day to make memories. I am SO ready to start making them!
5. Write often. This blog, as trite and simple as it seems, has been really good for me. I love being able to channel my thoughts and fears and hopes into a template and re-read them and love it. My book will come to fruition. The more you write, the better it gets.
I mentioned Facebook and pictures tonight. One song that really makes me reflect is this. When I was younger, I loved the band the Cure. This is one of my all-time favorite songs. And the more I look at pictures both from my past and present, I relish the memories. Especially the pictures of my dad, who I miss more and more everyday. I would give anything to fix him a martini and talk about Georgia football. At least I have pictures to reflect on.
Different - what is that? Am I different? Hell yeah. Why go with the grain when you can go against it? I think that says a lot about the person I have become. I always fret about how others feel about me, but in reality, at the end of the day, does it really matter? I am learning that it doesn't. This life lesson may be one of the hardest that I have learned yet. I have always wanted to please people and make them happy, all the while sacrificing some of my own happiness. In recent months, I have learned that I am the one person who needs to be happy. I struggle with this as I haven't found the balance there yet. I am starting to learn that designer jeans, labels, fancy champers, and "things" don't make a person. It's about the life you live, the impact you leave, and the people you surround yourself with.
People make resolutions on New Year's Eve. I think I want to start a little early this year. Here is my list so far:
1. Be a better son and brother. It's just my mom, my sister, and myself. With my dad being gone, our family is one person smaller, but there is a huge gap. My dad really held us together. He didn't go with the grain, but did what he could to keep harmony in the house. He didn't care what people thought, but valued their opinion. He instilled values in myself and my sister very young - values that even some of the people I know today at my age cannot grasp. When he died, I didn't assume the role of "man of the house." It isn't my place - I accept that. What I don't get is that in recent months, my actions may not have been the best decisions. I vow to be a better member of my family. I vow to put family first. I vow to recognize that the more things change, the more they stay the same. (Plus ca change, plus ca reste la meme - Antoine de St. Exupery).
2. Enjoy what I have. This is easier said than done. My dad always said "they're just things, Chris." I realize that I have this immense network of friends, a dog that won't leave my side, a roof over my head, a job I love, a career that I control, and the ability to see the silver lining. My eternal optimism is not contagious, but hopefully one day those around me can see why I am the way I am.
3. Do something that scares me once a day. Be it working a difficult situation. Or maybe it's meeting new people in social situations (because contrary to popular belief, I have HUGE social anxiety, unless it involves live music. Then I am in my element!). What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
4. Enjoy my past. It is what has shaped me. It is who I was, who I am, and to an extent, who I will be. I won't relive my glory days. I will remember them fondly. Each day is a new day to make memories. I am SO ready to start making them!
5. Write often. This blog, as trite and simple as it seems, has been really good for me. I love being able to channel my thoughts and fears and hopes into a template and re-read them and love it. My book will come to fruition. The more you write, the better it gets.
I mentioned Facebook and pictures tonight. One song that really makes me reflect is this. When I was younger, I loved the band the Cure. This is one of my all-time favorite songs. And the more I look at pictures both from my past and present, I relish the memories. Especially the pictures of my dad, who I miss more and more everyday. I would give anything to fix him a martini and talk about Georgia football. At least I have pictures to reflect on.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Random Musings - August 24, 2010
Last night, I was fortunate enough to go to the Red Sox game and see them win. I love the Red Sox, almost more than life itself. It was a rainy, cool night, but it definitely was an awesome game. A special thank you to my friend, Dan, for taking me.
I love Boston - I really do. Not just for the sports teams, but for everything that this city represents: freedom, progressive behavior, no-nonsense. The people of Boston are a unique, but incredibly civilized lot that make me proud to live (kind of) here (OK, I live in Arlington, but I can see the Hancock tower when I walk Wally, so I am close enough!).
Boston is such a great place, though. I mean, where can you see historical buildings, amazing fashion, and such a young population? Last night, I walked down Charles Street from Mass General and realized how tony the city really is. The cobblestone streets; all walks of life; restaurants, boutiques, hardware and liquor stores. There is something for everyone. I wouldn't trade living here for anything.
Or would I?
I don't really see myself living anywhere but here. I mean, I curse the dreaded winter, but I love a fresh snow on the ground. I hate wearing layers as it makes me look fatter than I am. I hate shoveling. But I love the vibe of the city, the buzz of a crowd, and the four seasons, even though spring really is early summer here, right after the tundra disappears.
I have thought long and hard of my top five favorite places in and around the city. I share them with you, here:
1. Fenway Park - It is the home of my (and everyone Else's) beloved Red Sox. The park is old. The beer is expensive. The crowd gets rowdy. But it is GORGEOUS! And I love it. And it doesn't matter where you sit, it's all incredible.
2. Newbury Street - Posh crowd, great eats, people watching. It really doesn't get better than that.
3. Comm. Ave through Allston - It reminds me of college, post-college, any memory I have "visiting" friends in the city when I didn't live there. Such memories last a lifetime. Plus, back in the day, a ton of great shows at various locations, dancing to the best music, and realizing that there is more to the city than Back Bay.
4. The Mass. Ave Bridge - Memories of crossing both ways, memories to come. Between the whiz of the cars and the wind off the Charles, it is an amazing walk.
5. Harvard Square - Something for everyone, and I can get lost there for a day! I love it!
What's your favorite spot?
I love Boston - I really do. Not just for the sports teams, but for everything that this city represents: freedom, progressive behavior, no-nonsense. The people of Boston are a unique, but incredibly civilized lot that make me proud to live (kind of) here (OK, I live in Arlington, but I can see the Hancock tower when I walk Wally, so I am close enough!).
Boston is such a great place, though. I mean, where can you see historical buildings, amazing fashion, and such a young population? Last night, I walked down Charles Street from Mass General and realized how tony the city really is. The cobblestone streets; all walks of life; restaurants, boutiques, hardware and liquor stores. There is something for everyone. I wouldn't trade living here for anything.
Or would I?
I don't really see myself living anywhere but here. I mean, I curse the dreaded winter, but I love a fresh snow on the ground. I hate wearing layers as it makes me look fatter than I am. I hate shoveling. But I love the vibe of the city, the buzz of a crowd, and the four seasons, even though spring really is early summer here, right after the tundra disappears.
I have thought long and hard of my top five favorite places in and around the city. I share them with you, here:
1. Fenway Park - It is the home of my (and everyone Else's) beloved Red Sox. The park is old. The beer is expensive. The crowd gets rowdy. But it is GORGEOUS! And I love it. And it doesn't matter where you sit, it's all incredible.
2. Newbury Street - Posh crowd, great eats, people watching. It really doesn't get better than that.
3. Comm. Ave through Allston - It reminds me of college, post-college, any memory I have "visiting" friends in the city when I didn't live there. Such memories last a lifetime. Plus, back in the day, a ton of great shows at various locations, dancing to the best music, and realizing that there is more to the city than Back Bay.
4. The Mass. Ave Bridge - Memories of crossing both ways, memories to come. Between the whiz of the cars and the wind off the Charles, it is an amazing walk.
5. Harvard Square - Something for everyone, and I can get lost there for a day! I love it!
What's your favorite spot?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Random Musings - August 22, 2010
A fine end to the weekend. I will share this with you.
Fall is coming, and this guy couldn't be more excited. Today in Arlington, it was cool, rainy, and just one of those days where it was ok to throw on a hoodie, take Wally for a walk, and enjoy the end of summer. Granted, I love summer, a lot. But there is something to be said about Autumn in New England. The leaves changing, the apples getting picked, the scarves coming out of storage. Now that I am living closer to the city, there are several things that I am absolutely excited about. They include, but are not limited to:
Concerts - Broken Social Scene, Jimmy Eat World, Belle and Sebastian and I am sure countless others
Head of the Charles Regatta - Hot crew guys, a nice crowd, good times
Pumpkinhead Ale - I love that stuff, and can drink it till I am blue in the face
Foliage - The colors in New England in the fall are like a technicolor dream come true
Friends - With Maine done for the season, I have a lot more time to hang out with my friends, which makes me incredibly happy
So, what is your favorite thing about autumn in New England?
Fall is coming, and this guy couldn't be more excited. Today in Arlington, it was cool, rainy, and just one of those days where it was ok to throw on a hoodie, take Wally for a walk, and enjoy the end of summer. Granted, I love summer, a lot. But there is something to be said about Autumn in New England. The leaves changing, the apples getting picked, the scarves coming out of storage. Now that I am living closer to the city, there are several things that I am absolutely excited about. They include, but are not limited to:
Concerts - Broken Social Scene, Jimmy Eat World, Belle and Sebastian and I am sure countless others
Head of the Charles Regatta - Hot crew guys, a nice crowd, good times
Pumpkinhead Ale - I love that stuff, and can drink it till I am blue in the face
Foliage - The colors in New England in the fall are like a technicolor dream come true
Friends - With Maine done for the season, I have a lot more time to hang out with my friends, which makes me incredibly happy
So, what is your favorite thing about autumn in New England?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Random Musings - August 20, 2010
I have been listening to a lot of Emo music lately. You know, Dashboard Confessional, Funeral For a Friend, Taking Back Sunday, et al. I connect to it sometimes. I think it is the pain in the lyrics that make it so powerful. Or maybe it is just me and where I am in my life.
Tonight is Friday night. I am home. Alone. Writing a paper for school but alone. The isolation makes you evaluate a ton of things. this soul searching has become a nightly ritual for me. When the sun has set, the TV is buzzing and the Red Sox lose BIG like they did tonight, it makes me wonder, is it all worth it?
Sure, I have a great job, fabulous friends, and a family I couldn't live without. My sister alone, although we constantly have disagreements, is my biggest champion and I can't imagine not having her let alone in my life, but my only sibling and my closest connection to my past. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, funny, compassionate, and above all loyal confidant to share my life. She makes me who I am, and although I never share it with her, she knows how much she truly means to me. Even if she mocks me for my impeccable fashion and grooming sense. (Enough David Gest comments already! I stopped waxing my brows!) I know I am truly not alone, but tonight, I am the solo person behind this computer so yes, I am ALONE!
Alone. What does that really mean? For me, it means coming home to an almost empty house, albeit Wally is here and greets me only when he wants out, but then shares his love through kissing my face and whining. Alone is the mail through the mail slot, on the hallway floor, not sorted. Alone is me behind the stove, a man, a can and a plan, cooking a gourmet, yet frugal meal. Alone is laughing to myself at Facebook or the asinine comments made in my virtual classroom. (And I swear, if I am told to have a Blessed Day one more time, I might throw up). Alone is making the tough decisions and seeing them through, regardless of future consequences or despair. Alone is texting someone with a joke and getting a witty response in return. Alone is wondering what could have been, what is, and what will be.
Regret is wallowing in the past and not looking toward the future. I am learning to live my life with no regret. And it sucks. But it is necessary. And I will continue to do this. It builds character. And it makes me who I am.
Tonight is an Emo night. Enjoy this! It sums tonight up a lot!
Tonight is Friday night. I am home. Alone. Writing a paper for school but alone. The isolation makes you evaluate a ton of things. this soul searching has become a nightly ritual for me. When the sun has set, the TV is buzzing and the Red Sox lose BIG like they did tonight, it makes me wonder, is it all worth it?
Sure, I have a great job, fabulous friends, and a family I couldn't live without. My sister alone, although we constantly have disagreements, is my biggest champion and I can't imagine not having her let alone in my life, but my only sibling and my closest connection to my past. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, funny, compassionate, and above all loyal confidant to share my life. She makes me who I am, and although I never share it with her, she knows how much she truly means to me. Even if she mocks me for my impeccable fashion and grooming sense. (Enough David Gest comments already! I stopped waxing my brows!) I know I am truly not alone, but tonight, I am the solo person behind this computer so yes, I am ALONE!
Alone. What does that really mean? For me, it means coming home to an almost empty house, albeit Wally is here and greets me only when he wants out, but then shares his love through kissing my face and whining. Alone is the mail through the mail slot, on the hallway floor, not sorted. Alone is me behind the stove, a man, a can and a plan, cooking a gourmet, yet frugal meal. Alone is laughing to myself at Facebook or the asinine comments made in my virtual classroom. (And I swear, if I am told to have a Blessed Day one more time, I might throw up). Alone is making the tough decisions and seeing them through, regardless of future consequences or despair. Alone is texting someone with a joke and getting a witty response in return. Alone is wondering what could have been, what is, and what will be.
Regret is wallowing in the past and not looking toward the future. I am learning to live my life with no regret. And it sucks. But it is necessary. And I will continue to do this. It builds character. And it makes me who I am.
Tonight is an Emo night. Enjoy this! It sums tonight up a lot!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Random Musing - August 19, 2010
I love this time of year. The days are getting a little cooler, the Patriots are on, and I know college football season is right around the corner. Life is good - at least part of it.
I have been thinking a lot lately of how the impact we leave on each other has such a bearing on our character. Frankly, I like to think I am a good person - not a great person like my mom is or my dad was - but a good person. I have my flaws. I am rash, abrasive, a little (ok, maybe a lot) snooty, and caught up with the Joneses. I hate these characteristics about myself. A good friend pointed out tonight that we all have flaws, it is what makes us who we are. I understand that. Very much so. What I don't understand is how I can come from such great stock and turn into a guy that isn't like his parents - his ultimate role models?
Many of you know this about me, but as a gay man, I feel like I have two strikes against me even before someone gets to know me. Not because I am gay, but because I am different. I know, I know, most of you are saying "We love you regardless." I appreciate that, I really do. It is nice to be accepted face-value, ask anyone. I think what I am trying to say is that even though I am different, I am still me. I like things. I like it when someone pays me a compliment. Because of this, I try to be as complimentary as possible. Sometimes it works out and something good happens, but sometimes, it backfires. I hate that. I hate that I can be this guy who can see the good in people and comment on it, and it isn't received the way it should be. I pose to you, my readers and followers, is it worth being a complimentary person even if the complimentee doesn't appreciate it?
What stems this? I think it is the years of rejection. The years when I tried to make a new friend by putting myself out there and having it backfire on me. What's the point? The point is, regardless of how it is received, I am still a complimentary character. It is definitely a trait I picked up from my parents more so than anyone else. I will continue to pay compliments, even if they aren't received the way I expect, and I will continue to do it with dignity, pride, and most of all, with the gentlemanly qualities that my role models have worked so hard to provide me.
Recently, I have learned that no matter what others may think, at the end of the day, if you can be the you that you love, that is all that matters. I am brusque. I am opinionated. And most of all, I am me, and there is no one like me in this world. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
So I leave you with this: I think of all the people who have come and gone from my life and realize that life is too short to really sweat the disappointments. I hope you find some sort of connection to this ditty. It definitely sums up this guy - a lot - and listen to the lyrics. It will change your world!
I have been thinking a lot lately of how the impact we leave on each other has such a bearing on our character. Frankly, I like to think I am a good person - not a great person like my mom is or my dad was - but a good person. I have my flaws. I am rash, abrasive, a little (ok, maybe a lot) snooty, and caught up with the Joneses. I hate these characteristics about myself. A good friend pointed out tonight that we all have flaws, it is what makes us who we are. I understand that. Very much so. What I don't understand is how I can come from such great stock and turn into a guy that isn't like his parents - his ultimate role models?
Many of you know this about me, but as a gay man, I feel like I have two strikes against me even before someone gets to know me. Not because I am gay, but because I am different. I know, I know, most of you are saying "We love you regardless." I appreciate that, I really do. It is nice to be accepted face-value, ask anyone. I think what I am trying to say is that even though I am different, I am still me. I like things. I like it when someone pays me a compliment. Because of this, I try to be as complimentary as possible. Sometimes it works out and something good happens, but sometimes, it backfires. I hate that. I hate that I can be this guy who can see the good in people and comment on it, and it isn't received the way it should be. I pose to you, my readers and followers, is it worth being a complimentary person even if the complimentee doesn't appreciate it?
What stems this? I think it is the years of rejection. The years when I tried to make a new friend by putting myself out there and having it backfire on me. What's the point? The point is, regardless of how it is received, I am still a complimentary character. It is definitely a trait I picked up from my parents more so than anyone else. I will continue to pay compliments, even if they aren't received the way I expect, and I will continue to do it with dignity, pride, and most of all, with the gentlemanly qualities that my role models have worked so hard to provide me.
Recently, I have learned that no matter what others may think, at the end of the day, if you can be the you that you love, that is all that matters. I am brusque. I am opinionated. And most of all, I am me, and there is no one like me in this world. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
So I leave you with this: I think of all the people who have come and gone from my life and realize that life is too short to really sweat the disappointments. I hope you find some sort of connection to this ditty. It definitely sums up this guy - a lot - and listen to the lyrics. It will change your world!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Random Musings - August 18, 2010
It seems as if everyone around me going through some sort of life change - pregnancy, death, marriage, and *gasp* divorce. I like to embrace change. I like that new beginnings come from some other beginnings end. Ok, that was Semisonic, but I worked it, right?
I am eager to see what happens in the next few months. I was recently told by someone that the decisions we make are half chance. I have no idea what that means. I know that I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few years. Do I regret the ride? No, not at all. I regret that I made decisions that were half chance.
Tonight, I have been pondering a lot about my birthday... though its months off, I will be 35 this year. When I was a kid, I thought this was old. I don't feel old. I feel somedays like I am 17 again. Some days I feel like I am 80. But I feel. And I think that is what is important. I can't live my life numb. I refuse to keep living in the background. I refuse to shy away from adventure. I want full chance, damnit!
I am eager to see what happens in the next few months. I was recently told by someone that the decisions we make are half chance. I have no idea what that means. I know that I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few years. Do I regret the ride? No, not at all. I regret that I made decisions that were half chance.
Tonight, I have been pondering a lot about my birthday... though its months off, I will be 35 this year. When I was a kid, I thought this was old. I don't feel old. I feel somedays like I am 17 again. Some days I feel like I am 80. But I feel. And I think that is what is important. I can't live my life numb. I refuse to keep living in the background. I refuse to shy away from adventure. I want full chance, damnit!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Random Musings - August 17, 2010
Divorce. It is such an ugly word. And I am going through one. I won't rehash the details of what led me to make this decision to protect all parties involved, but I can say this: at the end of the day, it is all about happiness. So that is why I share this with you this evening.
I say this a lot... I really connect to music. I find songs that I feel define who I am. Some of them are really good. Some of them are kind of stupid. All of them have a place for me at a point in my life. Over the past two years, I have made a playlist of songs that I feel define who I am. A lot of them stem from events that have taken place in my life. Most of them, I just connect to. So tonight, I offer you my playlist.
1. "I Feel It All" - Feist: This is the song I shared with you this evening. I connect a lot to this with recent events.
2. "All Is Love" - Karen O. and the Kids: I know, "Where the Wild Things Are." but I heard this for the first time when I was going to spend the night with my dad during his last days. He was a good man. He was all about his family - his most important asset. This song spoke to me. I can't hear it without getting choked up. Give a listen yourself here.
3. "God Only Knows" - This has a special place in my family's heart. I think you all know why. Watch me!
4. "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" - The Editors: This song definitely reminds me of the long nights waiting for things to happen. Good things or bad things, but mostly the waiting. I think you will like it, so here!
5. "Mistaken For Strangers" - The National: I know, cliche, but lately, and most of those who know me can attest to this, I haven't been myself. You will like it, so check it out!
Try these on for size. I will be sure to post more as I get more into this blog. This is a good start.
I say this a lot... I really connect to music. I find songs that I feel define who I am. Some of them are really good. Some of them are kind of stupid. All of them have a place for me at a point in my life. Over the past two years, I have made a playlist of songs that I feel define who I am. A lot of them stem from events that have taken place in my life. Most of them, I just connect to. So tonight, I offer you my playlist.
1. "I Feel It All" - Feist: This is the song I shared with you this evening. I connect a lot to this with recent events.
2. "All Is Love" - Karen O. and the Kids: I know, "Where the Wild Things Are." but I heard this for the first time when I was going to spend the night with my dad during his last days. He was a good man. He was all about his family - his most important asset. This song spoke to me. I can't hear it without getting choked up. Give a listen yourself here.
3. "God Only Knows" - This has a special place in my family's heart. I think you all know why. Watch me!
4. "Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors" - The Editors: This song definitely reminds me of the long nights waiting for things to happen. Good things or bad things, but mostly the waiting. I think you will like it, so here!
5. "Mistaken For Strangers" - The National: I know, cliche, but lately, and most of those who know me can attest to this, I haven't been myself. You will like it, so check it out!
Try these on for size. I will be sure to post more as I get more into this blog. This is a good start.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Random Musings - August 16, 2010
This weekend, I had an opportunity to hang out with some of my oldest and dearest friends. Time and distance may separate us, but the bonds we have shared for over twenty years make us as close today as we were back then. Thanks for a fantastic night, guys! I wish we could do it more often.
Friends are great - and I am fortunate enough to say that I have really lucked out with the group I have. I think it is about loyalty and unconditional love and respect. One of my favorite books of all time is "This Boy's Life" by Tobias Wolf. One of the first lines in the book reads - "I always know who my true friends are upon meeting them." I couldn't agree more. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I was four - she is an amazing person, dear friend, and has become a phenomenal mother. She doesn't hesitate to drop what she is doing to give a shout, shoot me a Facebook post, or just a text to say hi. I cherish that.
My friends who were over on Saturday are friends of mine since we were in grade school. I got picked on a lot when I was a kid - mostly for being incredibly effeminate - but sometimes from not going with the grain. Sure, I got good grades, dressed impeccably, and hung out with the "right" people - but there was always some douchebag who would turn my world of sunshine and lollipops into a shitshow. As I got older, became more comfortable with who I was, and began to live, I realized that these people were probably as insecure and freaked out in their own lives that they had to take it out on someone else. It is sad, really, when you think of it: how cruel we can really be to each other. The group that spent a cool summer evening in Arlington with me were the people who quietly hushed those who made my life hell. They accepted me face value - still do as a matter of fact - and my world is a better place with them in it.
As I get older, I realize how important relationships really are. We have our work relationships - the alignment of getting in with the right people to help your career. I can say that I hold these relationships in the highest esteem, as I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. You have your love/lust relationships - sometimes they work out and the world is wonderful (like my friends Creme and Ray), and sometimes they don't. You have your family relationships - which, for me, is like a blessing I never realize until it is tested. I write a lot about my dad - some of it to grieve, some of it to keep his memory fresh. In the few months, there hasn't been a day when I don't feel my dad with me, watching out for me, helping me make the right decisions, dealing with my struggles, getting the lead out. I am so fortunate to have such a fabulous family - my best friends - always looking out for me. A lot of people I know laugh at me for spending my vacations with my mom in South Carolina. Hey, home cooking, cocktail hour, and marathons of television shows? It really doesn't get better than that.
But there is something to be said about a relationship with a good friend. Like I said, time and distance may separate us, but I have an uncanny ability to reconnect as if I just saw the person - even if it has been years. Like I said, I always know who my friends will be within a few moments of meeting them. Sometimes, the relationships are short lived, though sometimes... I just get lucky!
So I challenge anyone who reads this to reach out to someone - be it someone you haven't spoken with in some time, someone you recently had a falling out with, or someone you think is the cat's pajamas. Trust me, you will thank me. Oh... and as the eternal optimist, I want to share something with you that has changed my outlook on some things. This song may be one of my all time favorites - and I hope you all like it.
Always Love
Friends are great - and I am fortunate enough to say that I have really lucked out with the group I have. I think it is about loyalty and unconditional love and respect. One of my favorite books of all time is "This Boy's Life" by Tobias Wolf. One of the first lines in the book reads - "I always know who my true friends are upon meeting them." I couldn't agree more. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I was four - she is an amazing person, dear friend, and has become a phenomenal mother. She doesn't hesitate to drop what she is doing to give a shout, shoot me a Facebook post, or just a text to say hi. I cherish that.
My friends who were over on Saturday are friends of mine since we were in grade school. I got picked on a lot when I was a kid - mostly for being incredibly effeminate - but sometimes from not going with the grain. Sure, I got good grades, dressed impeccably, and hung out with the "right" people - but there was always some douchebag who would turn my world of sunshine and lollipops into a shitshow. As I got older, became more comfortable with who I was, and began to live, I realized that these people were probably as insecure and freaked out in their own lives that they had to take it out on someone else. It is sad, really, when you think of it: how cruel we can really be to each other. The group that spent a cool summer evening in Arlington with me were the people who quietly hushed those who made my life hell. They accepted me face value - still do as a matter of fact - and my world is a better place with them in it.
As I get older, I realize how important relationships really are. We have our work relationships - the alignment of getting in with the right people to help your career. I can say that I hold these relationships in the highest esteem, as I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. You have your love/lust relationships - sometimes they work out and the world is wonderful (like my friends Creme and Ray), and sometimes they don't. You have your family relationships - which, for me, is like a blessing I never realize until it is tested. I write a lot about my dad - some of it to grieve, some of it to keep his memory fresh. In the few months, there hasn't been a day when I don't feel my dad with me, watching out for me, helping me make the right decisions, dealing with my struggles, getting the lead out. I am so fortunate to have such a fabulous family - my best friends - always looking out for me. A lot of people I know laugh at me for spending my vacations with my mom in South Carolina. Hey, home cooking, cocktail hour, and marathons of television shows? It really doesn't get better than that.
But there is something to be said about a relationship with a good friend. Like I said, time and distance may separate us, but I have an uncanny ability to reconnect as if I just saw the person - even if it has been years. Like I said, I always know who my friends will be within a few moments of meeting them. Sometimes, the relationships are short lived, though sometimes... I just get lucky!
So I challenge anyone who reads this to reach out to someone - be it someone you haven't spoken with in some time, someone you recently had a falling out with, or someone you think is the cat's pajamas. Trust me, you will thank me. Oh... and as the eternal optimist, I want to share something with you that has changed my outlook on some things. This song may be one of my all time favorites - and I hope you all like it.
Always Love
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Random Musings - August 11, 2010
So, my classes for school started this week. Goodbye social life, hello papers. I know, I signed up for it, so it's my own fault, but it is something I wanted to do for a long time. I am pursuing my MBA, which for most of my inner circle is kind of out of character. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, there is the whole "bettering myself" thing. I am a huge advocate of life-long learning - which explains my current job. Secondly, it is a challenge, and contrary to popular belief, I LOVE a challenge. However, I am doing it because it is a goal of mine - and one I hope to accomplish very soon!
You see, sports fans, I am smart... my family will attest to that. The thing is, I am smart when I apply myself. Let's not talk about college... ok? For me, this degree is so important. It makes me realize that perseverance, determination, and a little bit of drive can get you anywhere. It also makes me realize that I am masochist, and love that I am educationally abused and love every minute of it.
So my goal here is to not complain of the three HUGE papers I need to write in the next six weeks. It's not to bitch about the "group work" that comes with the program, and most importantly, it isn't to bitch that I don't have a life. I didn't have a life before Grad school... I am sure I won't have one after... but it's a life I like. I like being a homebody. I like having the phone ring and catching up with an old friend, and I like that when push comes to shove, my impeccable (HA) time management skills are put to the test.
Here is hoping the 4.0 stays after Human Capital Development! I will drink to that!
You see, sports fans, I am smart... my family will attest to that. The thing is, I am smart when I apply myself. Let's not talk about college... ok? For me, this degree is so important. It makes me realize that perseverance, determination, and a little bit of drive can get you anywhere. It also makes me realize that I am masochist, and love that I am educationally abused and love every minute of it.
So my goal here is to not complain of the three HUGE papers I need to write in the next six weeks. It's not to bitch about the "group work" that comes with the program, and most importantly, it isn't to bitch that I don't have a life. I didn't have a life before Grad school... I am sure I won't have one after... but it's a life I like. I like being a homebody. I like having the phone ring and catching up with an old friend, and I like that when push comes to shove, my impeccable (HA) time management skills are put to the test.
Here is hoping the 4.0 stays after Human Capital Development! I will drink to that!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Random Musings - August 9, 2010
I adopted a dog a few months ago courtesy of the Jeff Tarpley Rescue in Texarkana, TX. His story is heart breaking: He was thrown from a moving pickup truck at a Wal-Mart gas station and started heading for an incredibly busy road. Luckily, a good Samaritan noticed this little guy running for dear life and caught him, brought him to the local vet, and they contacted Jeff. (And I swear, if I had more money, I would be throwing a ton of it at him - Jeff is a saint, and one of the most decent human beings I have ever met). Needless to say, adopting Wally (yes, after the Sox mascot) has been one of the most rewarding events of my life. He brings me so much joy and happiness (I know, gay!), but he makes me laugh at all the things he does.
You see, Wally is still in puppy phase; he can't be older than 18 months. He is full of energy, cries when I leave for work, and won't leave my side. I can't imagine my life without him now.
Now, you are probably wondering: why is Blasdel writing about his dog. This isn't nearly as funny as it could be. Well, I am not there yet. I will share today's random musing with you, now!
I got home from work tonight, only to be met by my landlord, who quickly informed me "He cried a lot today." Shit! Just what I need... to be the guy who makes his dog cry by going to work. So, of course, I am embarrassed and walk into the house to check on the little guy. As soon as I turn the corner, it is like CHAOS has hit my freshly cleaned apartment. Wally broke free of the kitchen "play room" (read: cage) and tore the house apart. Food and water dishes, completely turned over; couch cover off the couch and balled on the floor; ironing board (and iron) tipped over. FUCKING CHAOS! So of course, as the gay parent, I pick him up to make sure there are no scares, cuts, lesions - and he is fine. But he is whimpering. SHIT! As soon as I go to get the phonebook to call the vet, he jumps out of my arms, onto the couch and is barking his head off, jumping up on the top of the couch and sniffing toward the floor. GREAT - I have a mouse! That's all I am thinking. So panic turns into frustration and I, very gayly I might add, pull the couch away from the wall and look - and Wally goes darting!
In his frenzy, his favorite toy was "lost" behind the couch. F.M.L. All this chaos for a friggin chew toy.
They say dogs keep you younger. I say BULLSHIT! Now I know why I am losing my hair and going grey. Sadly, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. If you are looking to be charitable, give to your local animal rescue, and if you want a pet - adopt! These guys are awesome. I saw a bumper sticker today that had a paw print which read "who rescued who?" Truer words could not be said!
You see, Wally is still in puppy phase; he can't be older than 18 months. He is full of energy, cries when I leave for work, and won't leave my side. I can't imagine my life without him now.
Now, you are probably wondering: why is Blasdel writing about his dog. This isn't nearly as funny as it could be. Well, I am not there yet. I will share today's random musing with you, now!
I got home from work tonight, only to be met by my landlord, who quickly informed me "He cried a lot today." Shit! Just what I need... to be the guy who makes his dog cry by going to work. So, of course, I am embarrassed and walk into the house to check on the little guy. As soon as I turn the corner, it is like CHAOS has hit my freshly cleaned apartment. Wally broke free of the kitchen "play room" (read: cage) and tore the house apart. Food and water dishes, completely turned over; couch cover off the couch and balled on the floor; ironing board (and iron) tipped over. FUCKING CHAOS! So of course, as the gay parent, I pick him up to make sure there are no scares, cuts, lesions - and he is fine. But he is whimpering. SHIT! As soon as I go to get the phonebook to call the vet, he jumps out of my arms, onto the couch and is barking his head off, jumping up on the top of the couch and sniffing toward the floor. GREAT - I have a mouse! That's all I am thinking. So panic turns into frustration and I, very gayly I might add, pull the couch away from the wall and look - and Wally goes darting!
In his frenzy, his favorite toy was "lost" behind the couch. F.M.L. All this chaos for a friggin chew toy.
They say dogs keep you younger. I say BULLSHIT! Now I know why I am losing my hair and going grey. Sadly, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. If you are looking to be charitable, give to your local animal rescue, and if you want a pet - adopt! These guys are awesome. I saw a bumper sticker today that had a paw print which read "who rescued who?" Truer words could not be said!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Random Musings - August 5, 2010
Tonight was our company's annual Harbor Cruise. It was a beautiful, albeit sweaty evening on Boston Harbor with my coworkers. All in all, it was a great time.
I landed my position at this firm in 2008. Since graduating college, I have worked in the financial services arena and can honestly say that I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do. I have a sweet job - one that allows incredible career opportunity and I love going to work everyday. I don't know how many people can truthfully say that. I am incredibly fortunate, and it is nice to be known by many, if not most, of the people I work with. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
If there is one thing I will admit to, I secretly enjoy cutting a rug, though my frame and size limit the moves I can do. Regardless of that, it never stops me from busting out when I hear "It's Tricky" by RUN DMC. And tonight, I did just that. Life of the party? Maybe! Always looking for fun? Hell yeah!
One of the things I am most surprised by is that I can make a group of people smile and laugh. I think I got it from my dad. He passed away last October, and though the loss is still incredibly fresh, I feel that his gregarious personality and command of a room has rubbed off on me somehow. I miss him terribly; my days aren't the same without him around. What I am most appreciative of is that he has provided me with the ability to really make my presence known. I am glad I can do that. My pops did well!
Tonight, I danced, I sang, I belted out some old school classics, but most of all, I made people smile. I love that. I also got maimed by a broken pint glass at the Black Rose (damn drunks!) but the battle scar will provide me with a decent memory for a long time. Just like the stories of my dad!
I landed my position at this firm in 2008. Since graduating college, I have worked in the financial services arena and can honestly say that I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do. I have a sweet job - one that allows incredible career opportunity and I love going to work everyday. I don't know how many people can truthfully say that. I am incredibly fortunate, and it is nice to be known by many, if not most, of the people I work with. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
If there is one thing I will admit to, I secretly enjoy cutting a rug, though my frame and size limit the moves I can do. Regardless of that, it never stops me from busting out when I hear "It's Tricky" by RUN DMC. And tonight, I did just that. Life of the party? Maybe! Always looking for fun? Hell yeah!
One of the things I am most surprised by is that I can make a group of people smile and laugh. I think I got it from my dad. He passed away last October, and though the loss is still incredibly fresh, I feel that his gregarious personality and command of a room has rubbed off on me somehow. I miss him terribly; my days aren't the same without him around. What I am most appreciative of is that he has provided me with the ability to really make my presence known. I am glad I can do that. My pops did well!
Tonight, I danced, I sang, I belted out some old school classics, but most of all, I made people smile. I love that. I also got maimed by a broken pint glass at the Black Rose (damn drunks!) but the battle scar will provide me with a decent memory for a long time. Just like the stories of my dad!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Random Musings - August 3, 2010 (or... my incredibly inappropriate night out with my friends)
In case you didn't know, sports fans, Sunday night's Arcade Fire show at the Bank of America Pavilion in Boston was hands down the best show I had ever been to. I had great seats, they put on an amazing show, and it totally solidified why I love this band so much. As great as the Arcade Fire was, it is their philanthropy that I am most impressed with. Regine Chassigne, the singer/muse of Arcade Fire, is a native of Haiti, and the band is offering proceeds from this tour to help with the earthquake devastation. I wish more bands were as thoughtful as them. It is a simple gesture that goes a long way.
The BofA Pavilion has become my home away from home over the past week. Last night, I had the privilege of spending a what started out nice evening with my dear friends Jim and Danny to see Keane. The show wasn't nearly as good as Sunday's show, but it had its moments. I am not a HUGE Keane fan, but can respect them and their artistry, however, I think a lot of it was wasted on my extremely bad behavior. You see, BofA serves the famous 24 ounce beers, so three of them equal a six pack (how's that for math? Not bad, huh, Mom?). Beer on a semi-empty stomach can lead to a night of magic, or ion my case, a night of "what the hell were your thinking."
I had three incredibly bad moments throughout the night, and as a HUGE fan of finding humor at my own expense (self-schadenfruede, perhaps), I feel it necessary to share them with my fans (read - anyone who actually reads this). First, I ran into a co-worker who is the epitome of class. I realized that my stories of Fran Healy (the opening act) and his band Travis were peppered with the F-word (for those of you who are slow on the uptake, that would be FUCK!). Today at work, she told me how HYSTERICAL I was. Note to self - start digging that hole to crawl into, RIGHT NOW!
Between sets, I got a little hungry (plus I needed something to sop up the copious amounts of Harpoon and, GASP, Bud Light I was drinking). In the quiet of the set change, I turned to my friends and said (screamed): "No more yankey my wankey, the Donger need food" (in my best Long Duck Dong impression). Now, a little about my friend Jim - nothing shocks him, he is the most unshockable person I have ever met. Nothing, until last night, however. As soon as the line came out of my mouth, I realized that we were conveniently seated next to a charming Asian couple. The color fading from Jim's face gave it all away. F.M.L!
Now the last inappropriate moment occurred halfway through Keane's set. I will set the scene:
Jim, Dan, and Chris sitting at the table taking pop shots at the crowd and listening to band. Small man and friend playing air guitar next to us. First thought, "Ok, we are at a concert, they may be a little drunk." As soon as the thought passes my mind, the small man comes over to me and asks: "Don't I know you?" Um, no, you do not. "Do you hang out at the Alley?" (Alley - Boston's "bear" bar, and yes, I do go there, but not often). No, sorry, you have me confused with someone else. "I'm (Insert Name Here)." Ok, stop!
Here are a few physical facts about me. I am not a tall man. I am 5'8, though I think I am more 5'7. Let's just say, I am not a tall man. However, when I meet someone who is shorter than my friend, Brandy (she is a petite 4'11 and cute as a button). This man, who I will now refer to as the "Pocket Gay" was SHORTER! Now, I know what you are thinking - God makes us all unique and we have no destiny over how tall we are, what color hair we are born with, or how great our ass looks in a pair of jeans - but when the Pocket Gay comes a knocking, it is time to leave Munchkinland. Sadly, I was like a shorty magnet all night, and my friends, embarrassed from the previous mocking Asian comment, were of no help. F.M.L.
If anything is learned here it is this:
1. Do not, I repeat, do not, drink beers at BofA on an empty stomach.
and 2. Well, I am not really sure what number 2 is, but I am sure there is a lesson that will be discovered down the road.
Though, you only live once, right? Maybe? How many times did James Bond live? That seems more my style.
The BofA Pavilion has become my home away from home over the past week. Last night, I had the privilege of spending a what started out nice evening with my dear friends Jim and Danny to see Keane. The show wasn't nearly as good as Sunday's show, but it had its moments. I am not a HUGE Keane fan, but can respect them and their artistry, however, I think a lot of it was wasted on my extremely bad behavior. You see, BofA serves the famous 24 ounce beers, so three of them equal a six pack (how's that for math? Not bad, huh, Mom?). Beer on a semi-empty stomach can lead to a night of magic, or ion my case, a night of "what the hell were your thinking."
I had three incredibly bad moments throughout the night, and as a HUGE fan of finding humor at my own expense (self-schadenfruede, perhaps), I feel it necessary to share them with my fans (read - anyone who actually reads this). First, I ran into a co-worker who is the epitome of class. I realized that my stories of Fran Healy (the opening act) and his band Travis were peppered with the F-word (for those of you who are slow on the uptake, that would be FUCK!). Today at work, she told me how HYSTERICAL I was. Note to self - start digging that hole to crawl into, RIGHT NOW!
Between sets, I got a little hungry (plus I needed something to sop up the copious amounts of Harpoon and, GASP, Bud Light I was drinking). In the quiet of the set change, I turned to my friends and said (screamed): "No more yankey my wankey, the Donger need food" (in my best Long Duck Dong impression). Now, a little about my friend Jim - nothing shocks him, he is the most unshockable person I have ever met. Nothing, until last night, however. As soon as the line came out of my mouth, I realized that we were conveniently seated next to a charming Asian couple. The color fading from Jim's face gave it all away. F.M.L!
Now the last inappropriate moment occurred halfway through Keane's set. I will set the scene:
Jim, Dan, and Chris sitting at the table taking pop shots at the crowd and listening to band. Small man and friend playing air guitar next to us. First thought, "Ok, we are at a concert, they may be a little drunk." As soon as the thought passes my mind, the small man comes over to me and asks: "Don't I know you?" Um, no, you do not. "Do you hang out at the Alley?" (Alley - Boston's "bear" bar, and yes, I do go there, but not often). No, sorry, you have me confused with someone else. "I'm (Insert Name Here)." Ok, stop!
Here are a few physical facts about me. I am not a tall man. I am 5'8, though I think I am more 5'7. Let's just say, I am not a tall man. However, when I meet someone who is shorter than my friend, Brandy (she is a petite 4'11 and cute as a button). This man, who I will now refer to as the "Pocket Gay" was SHORTER! Now, I know what you are thinking - God makes us all unique and we have no destiny over how tall we are, what color hair we are born with, or how great our ass looks in a pair of jeans - but when the Pocket Gay comes a knocking, it is time to leave Munchkinland. Sadly, I was like a shorty magnet all night, and my friends, embarrassed from the previous mocking Asian comment, were of no help. F.M.L.
If anything is learned here it is this:
1. Do not, I repeat, do not, drink beers at BofA on an empty stomach.
and 2. Well, I am not really sure what number 2 is, but I am sure there is a lesson that will be discovered down the road.
Though, you only live once, right? Maybe? How many times did James Bond live? That seems more my style.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Random Musings - August 1, 2010
Today is the day! I have been waiting five years to see them again and they are in BOSTON! Yes folks, I am going to see Arcade Fire tonight. If you haven't heard them, you must buy Funeral; it will change your life! Pictures to follow... after the show.
Fat kids, like myself, tend to really identify with something other than sports. Granted, I love sports... watching them more so than playing them these days; I was a competitive swimmer as a kid, but those days are long gone. Sure, I played rugby, but I got fat, so I stopped. Now, as my weight fluctuates, I lose more hair, and my clothes look less flattering, I find solace in music. A few more fun facts about me:
I love music - especially indie rock, alt-country, new folk, and electro-pop.
I worked at a music store in my younger years, and acquired a HUGE amount of mostly free CD's.
I have almost 10,000 songs on my iPod.
I rarely pass up a live show.
I like a lot of bands, but have a definitive list of favorites. They include New Order, The Smiths, Morrissey, The Cure, Radiohead, Wilco, and New Pornographers.
And lastly, most of the people in my life find me OBSESSED with music, to the point that every conversation has a reference worked into it.
My random musing today is this: last night, late night, I was listening to my iPod trying to fall asleep. I had it on shuffle, and didn't realize that there was stuff on there that I COMPLETELY forgot (a little) about. For example, "We're All Alone" by Rita Coolidge came on first. I think I heard this song for the first time in the dentist's office while having some horrible, torturous procedure done. The Terrorist, as we affectionately referred to our dentist as, had the easy-listening favorites of yesterday and today on in his office. Between drill noises, that gross suction sound, and the heavy breathing behind the surgical mask, Rita Coolidge's voice served as ear novocaine.
"Chasing Pavements" by Adele is next. Now, I knew this song was on my iPod, in fact, it may have been my favorite song of 2008. What I didn't know is that everytime I listen to it, the part in the bridge of the song where she says "Or should I (pause) keep on (pause) chasing pavement" gets me everytime! There is something about the pause there. Or her incredibly cockny accent. Or both. Who knows.. it just makes me varhklempt whenever I hear it.
"Golden Brown" by the Stranglers. Had no idea when I was 17 and living with a family in France that this song was about heroin. I thought it was about suntans. Hello naive. This song reminds me of 1993... and that summer.. and the fact that after over 20 years, my best friends then are still my best friends today. This song reminds me (though it's hard to sometimes see it clearly), that no matter how shitty or fucked up I think my life is, I have this amazing network of family and friends who would drop EVERYTHING for me. That speaks volumes.... and sometimes, I wonder if I would do the same. I would like to think so, but as it was recently pointed out to me, I am rather selfish. I need to work on that.
"Say What You Want" by Texas brings me back to stocking shelves at Staples in college. It was on the overhead system, sandwiched between gross "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain and "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft. There is something about Sharleen Spiteri's voice that reminds me of Dusty Springfield. And we all know how much the gays love Dusty! Much to my surprise, I was at a club and the song was mixed in to the set and Method Man of Wu-Tang Clan made a glameo appearance. I was floored... cause it was AWESOME!
"Half A World Away" by REM instantly transports me back to my sophomore year in high school. My mom bought me this CD and I played it non-stop. Whenever this song came on, I would cry because there was so much pain in Michael Stipe's voice (and it didn't help that I was struggling with my sexuality, either). So picture it, an on the way to being fat gay kid, sobbing uncontrollably to the pain in others. Wait, there is a lot of truth to that. I do that often. Maybe I am more sensitive than gay.
"Cowboy, Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks really gets me. I went to college in Georgia and I swear to God, the hottest guys there drove pick-up trucks with gun racks, wore Wranglers, and had their "going out" boots. And they were all straight, but all so hot. When I heard this song for the first time, I put myself back to 1994, getting drunk by shotgunning beers with the girls, and heading out to the many bars of Athens. Then, instantly, running off into the corner and being a wallflower, while I watched my girlfriends cozy up to these hot looking cow folk, then cursing them. As I got older, I went to "gay two-step" night and realized that my perfect boyfriend doesn't exist. Damn you, Dixie Chicks!
What can I say? I like music... a lot. So if you do come for dinner, be prepared to be peppered with some amazing tunes to set the mood. And if you are feeling nostalgic, let me know what songs bring you back. I gotta work this fat ass into a pair of skinny jeans, which we all know could take all day!
Fat kids, like myself, tend to really identify with something other than sports. Granted, I love sports... watching them more so than playing them these days; I was a competitive swimmer as a kid, but those days are long gone. Sure, I played rugby, but I got fat, so I stopped. Now, as my weight fluctuates, I lose more hair, and my clothes look less flattering, I find solace in music. A few more fun facts about me:
I love music - especially indie rock, alt-country, new folk, and electro-pop.
I worked at a music store in my younger years, and acquired a HUGE amount of mostly free CD's.
I have almost 10,000 songs on my iPod.
I rarely pass up a live show.
I like a lot of bands, but have a definitive list of favorites. They include New Order, The Smiths, Morrissey, The Cure, Radiohead, Wilco, and New Pornographers.
And lastly, most of the people in my life find me OBSESSED with music, to the point that every conversation has a reference worked into it.
My random musing today is this: last night, late night, I was listening to my iPod trying to fall asleep. I had it on shuffle, and didn't realize that there was stuff on there that I COMPLETELY forgot (a little) about. For example, "We're All Alone" by Rita Coolidge came on first. I think I heard this song for the first time in the dentist's office while having some horrible, torturous procedure done. The Terrorist, as we affectionately referred to our dentist as, had the easy-listening favorites of yesterday and today on in his office. Between drill noises, that gross suction sound, and the heavy breathing behind the surgical mask, Rita Coolidge's voice served as ear novocaine.
"Chasing Pavements" by Adele is next. Now, I knew this song was on my iPod, in fact, it may have been my favorite song of 2008. What I didn't know is that everytime I listen to it, the part in the bridge of the song where she says "Or should I (pause) keep on (pause) chasing pavement" gets me everytime! There is something about the pause there. Or her incredibly cockny accent. Or both. Who knows.. it just makes me varhklempt whenever I hear it.
"Golden Brown" by the Stranglers. Had no idea when I was 17 and living with a family in France that this song was about heroin. I thought it was about suntans. Hello naive. This song reminds me of 1993... and that summer.. and the fact that after over 20 years, my best friends then are still my best friends today. This song reminds me (though it's hard to sometimes see it clearly), that no matter how shitty or fucked up I think my life is, I have this amazing network of family and friends who would drop EVERYTHING for me. That speaks volumes.... and sometimes, I wonder if I would do the same. I would like to think so, but as it was recently pointed out to me, I am rather selfish. I need to work on that.
"Say What You Want" by Texas brings me back to stocking shelves at Staples in college. It was on the overhead system, sandwiched between gross "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain and "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft. There is something about Sharleen Spiteri's voice that reminds me of Dusty Springfield. And we all know how much the gays love Dusty! Much to my surprise, I was at a club and the song was mixed in to the set and Method Man of Wu-Tang Clan made a glameo appearance. I was floored... cause it was AWESOME!
"Half A World Away" by REM instantly transports me back to my sophomore year in high school. My mom bought me this CD and I played it non-stop. Whenever this song came on, I would cry because there was so much pain in Michael Stipe's voice (and it didn't help that I was struggling with my sexuality, either). So picture it, an on the way to being fat gay kid, sobbing uncontrollably to the pain in others. Wait, there is a lot of truth to that. I do that often. Maybe I am more sensitive than gay.
"Cowboy, Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks really gets me. I went to college in Georgia and I swear to God, the hottest guys there drove pick-up trucks with gun racks, wore Wranglers, and had their "going out" boots. And they were all straight, but all so hot. When I heard this song for the first time, I put myself back to 1994, getting drunk by shotgunning beers with the girls, and heading out to the many bars of Athens. Then, instantly, running off into the corner and being a wallflower, while I watched my girlfriends cozy up to these hot looking cow folk, then cursing them. As I got older, I went to "gay two-step" night and realized that my perfect boyfriend doesn't exist. Damn you, Dixie Chicks!
What can I say? I like music... a lot. So if you do come for dinner, be prepared to be peppered with some amazing tunes to set the mood. And if you are feeling nostalgic, let me know what songs bring you back. I gotta work this fat ass into a pair of skinny jeans, which we all know could take all day!
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