Random Musing - Spetember 22, 2010

It's been a whole week since I last wrote. I have a lot to say.

For starters, this has been a very weird week for me. I think it started on Sunday when I realized how alone I felt. Late night, iPod on, I realized that it was just me, listening to Rogue Wave. Now Rogue Wave isn't one of those bands that exudes a ton of meaning, but listening to "Lake Michigan" I was sucked in. It doesn't talk about loneliness or pining, but it speaks.

Then we had an appreciation lunch for our philanthropic endeavors at work. Now, I am flattered that I was invited, but what I did, to me, doesn't scream "giving back." My idea was to have every employee donate $5 to dress casual and the proceeds went to purchase supplies for the troops overseas. Now, I don't personally know anyone overseas, fighting for my freedom, but I am appreciative and full of pride knowing that there are people out there doing it. My gratitude is endless. I felt proud of being able to go and buy the supplies to make care packages for the troops. It was a life-changing experience, especially after being told "Thank You" by a woman whose young son was serving in Iraq.

I am not a giving person. I am not as charitable as I should be, at least I don't feel that way. I have been told, by many mind you, that I am a good person, but I don't feel it. I wish there was something more that I could do.

Which brings me to this: as a token of appreciation, all of the employees involved in our initiative were given a book called "How Many People Does it Take to Make a Difference?" Truth is, it is only one. Well, that's what the book's cover said. As I thumbed through the book, and tried to choke back tears, I was moved by one of the quotes. It said "there are only so many tomorrows." Tomorrow. We put off today what we can do tomorrow. But what if tomorrow doesn't come. I lost my dad at when he was a mere 62 years old. That's young, especially given the statistics on how long we live. His tomorrow never came. And he was a good man. A great man. A man I wish I was more like, and more importantly, who I try to be like. You know I miss him terribly, and even as I write this, I choke back the tears knowing he isn't here to celebrate my triumphs, comfort me when I am down, and bitch about UGA football.

There are only so many tomorrows.

I think about what I have to do tomorrow. I have to wake up and walk my dog; a dog which makes my life complete, even though he whines constantly and is the neediest dog in the world, but he is mine and I saved him. He is my world. My life would be empty without Wally in it. Incredibly empty. How I can love something this much makes me realize that I do have something in me to make the world a better place, at least for a dog.

I need to go to work. I am not one of the millions of people who are without work. In fact, I have what may be my dream job. I interact with people. I work with a great team. I have people who seek my feedback and take it to heart. It's not a "have to," it's a privilege to be able to go to work everyday and love what I do. "If you love what you do, you will never work another day in your life" - Confucius. He was right!

I need to pay bills, make dinner, and take care of myself. I have the ability to do that. I am lucky. Luckier than most in the world. I wish I could see that.

I need to reach out to my family and friends to check in. It's my nature. I love my family. I love my sister. I love my mother. I love them because at the end of the day, I have them to lean on, even if I am a shit. They see beyond it. They see past the superficial. They see past the bullshit. They see me for who I am. I love that I have the connection I have with them. My friends, old and new, are there regardless. Coworkers, old friends, new friends, they get me. I have wonderful people in my life. When I am blue, I know that the girls are a phone call away, and just the sound of their voices puts a smile on my face. I am so fortunate to have these relationships that have spanned decades. I am more fortunate that I have relationships that have spanned weeks and months, too. Since my move, I have met people that I know I wouldn't have if I hadn't made a life-changing decision.

I need to think about school. Even though I am on a break from my education, I have the ability to seek it out. I am lucky. I am earning my masters and bettering myself, and have been told how amazing I am for working and going to school. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I need to be more philanthropic. Which leads me to this question. What can I get involved in to be more philanthropic? I want to give back more. I want to make sure my tomorrows count.

I leave you with this. I love this song, especially the line that says "Gotta keep faith that your path will change. Gotta keep faith that your luck will change, tomorrow!" It will. I know this. I have an incredible network. I am so fortunate that so many have given back to me. It's time to pay it forward.